Saturday, May 14, 2011

Chapter no. 8: Love.......A Reality (I)

If you do have the powers then use it to control your heart and your senses Ilaaf, not to frighten a girl in front of so many people like this.” He was sitting on the bench at the corner of the lawn.

The voice of Qandeel was striking his mind like a hammer. “If you do have the power then, show it by bridling your unbridled body.” For last eighteen days, these words were penetrating into his ears like the ice and making his brain senseless.

For last eighteen days he was utilizing his whole power to take her remembrance out of his mind and to forget her; and in this effort his heart and mind were now tired by fighting each other. Fighting one’s own self is probably the most difficult thing to do in this world and it had devastated him in just few days.

He didn’t know that either he had become a frenzied or not but when Adnan used to see him in a state like this everyday then had become worried himself, had cursed Qandeel and taunt Ilaaf that he had become a frenzied. And Ilaaf……he hadn’t cared about night or days; who is saying what, either he couldn’t hear or couldn’t understand. He didn’t know that where he is; either he is present in the world or not? It was a coldness which had grasped his whole body and didn’t let him to think or understand anything. What he cared, what Adnan is saying; he had nothing to do with anything in this world now; if could have something to be considered then it was one which was prohibited for him even to think about then what had left now in his hands for which he should have cared, and Adnan could not be able to do anything for him even if he wanted to.

He felt his left hand burning; he turned his neck and looked his hand. Cigarette that was held between the fingers was burning to ash and now was burning his hand also. He threw the cigarette and held his left hand with the right hand; was feeling so much pain, but that pain was less compare to the misery he was suffering with.

The weather was changing. It was the last week of November; the temperature used to decrease at night. Cold breezes were blowing; piercing the body, the dry and cold breezes, but he had no affect of any change in weather. The weather inside him was overcoming all other weathers inside out and what that weather was, he even didn’t know himself.

“Ilaaf, where are you?” He heard a voice from a distance, somebody was calling his name but he didn’t try to look at the direction of the voice. And then after a while he heard that voice somewhat near.

“Ilaaf, you are sitting here, and I am searching you in the entire house.” Aleeshah had said coming in front of him.

Ilaaf hadn’t answered, just looked her.

She kept looking his empty eyes for a while then came and sat besides him on the bench.

“What have you done with yourself? See, you are looking so weak.” She came near to him and started combing his hairs with her hands.

Ilaaf turned his head and had a quick sight on her.

“I just had been to Islamabad for two months and you left taking care yourself.” She was sitting very close to him. Ilaaf fixed his red eyes on her face.

“Why are you looking at me like this? I have visited you after so many days therefore you look angry as well but I will patch up with you like I always do.”

Ilaaf looked; her eyes were beautiful; and were looking more enchanting due to kajal, liner and mascara. Her smile, her hairs, her milky white complexion, rosy cheeks, soft and smooth lips everything was proving her beautiful…..even then she was not Qandeel Yousuf.

“Am I looking very pretty so you are staring me like this?” She was all time over optimist in case of Ilaaf.

Ilaaf could now see Qandeel’s eyes in place of her eyes; without kajal, eyes that were unaware of liner and mascara and were the most beautiful eyes in the world for Ilaaf.

Perhaps, Aleeshah felt it the right time to say what she wanted to say to Ilaaf by heart, because normally Ilaaf wasn’t used to look her like this.

She had kept her head on his shoulder smiling.

“Now I am back and soon the shine of your face will be back as well.” Ilaaf hadn’t liked the weight of her head on his shoulder.

“If you are powerful then why don’t you throw me out from your heart and mind? Why don’t you stop yourself following me?” Aleeshah was saying something perhaps was showing her love as usual but Ilaaf wasn’t able to hear anything she was saying. “If you are powerful then stop your feet coming towards me.” He felt his body was burning.

Aleeshah had now kept her hand on his chest, but the movement of her hand on his body was like the swarming of insects for Ilaaf.

“Tum hi ho deewangi, beykhudi ho meri

Tum hi ho dil ki lagi, bandagi ho meri”

He had stood with a sudden jerk.


Aleeshah was about to fall down.

“It is not possible.”

Aleeshah looked him surprisingly by standing.

“What happened, Ilaaf?” Aleeshah came ahead and asked by holding his arm being worried.

Ilaaf felt very bad about her touch.

“Nothing happened.” He let his arm free from her hold and said by stepping back, “Actually…..I m not feeling well.” He held his head intentionally, “Its very late night now, I have to take rest. Just leave right now, we will meet later.” Aleeshah had surprise in her eyes because Ilaaf had never treated her like that before.

Without waiting for her answer, he moved inside.

Aleeshah hadn’t followed him.

The moment he came inside, he had looked through the glass window of the lounge Aleeshah’s car was leaving the porch.

“Fazal Hussain, Fazal Hussain.” Ilaaf very few times had called his complete name like this.

Didn’t know from where, Fazal had come running on his call.

“Where is the key of my room?” Ilaaf asked like a madman.

Perhaps, Fazal had become worried looking this condition of his.

“Actually Saaiyen……I have the key.” He answered in a panic.

“Bring the key, immediately.” He barked.

Fazal went back.

Ilaaf sat on the couch in lounge.

For last eighteen days, he had been evicted himself from his room; leaving in the room her all pictures, her memories, his laptop and guitar, and locking the door he had made a vow not to open the room ever, but just after eighteen days that vow was broken; every decision was proved to be a wall of sand. He had forgotten that things are just like souvenirs, keeping them with could be able to guard the memory about someone, but leaving them away is never be helpful to erase the thought of someone from the mind. Remembrance belongs to heart and one can not detach the heart from the body by tearing the chest.

Fazal had brought the key and handed over to Ilaaf.

“Are you alright naa, Saaiyen?” Fazal had asked in a fretful tone.

“Yes, I am fine. Just go and do what was you doing, infact its late night, go and take rest.” Ilaaf was very merciful on Fazal that moment.

Fazal was about to leave.

“Listen” Ilaaf stopped him.

“Jee Saaiyen.”

“Do you have the number of Azhar Khalid?” Ilaaf asked.

“Azhar Khalid, the photographer….?” Fazal asked.

Ilaaf shook his head.

“Jee Saaiyen, I have his number.” He smiled.

“Call him in the morning, I have an urgent work.”

“Alright, Saaiyen.” Fazal went away.

Ilaaf came upstairs, unlocked the door and came inside. Turning on the lights, he turned on the A.C. The room was used to remain closed all day just in the morning Fazal used to look after the cleaning of room.

Ilaaf had stepped in his room after eighteen days.

Coming near the bed, he took out the pictures of Qandeel that were kept under the pillow.

“I am not powerful, Qandeel. If power is the name of keeping love away from the self then I am not the powerful, I am a feeble because I can not forget you neither can take you out from my heart.” She was smiling on his powerlessness.

“My lunacy has become madness. At least don’t take this right from me; you can give me the right just to love you.” Didn’t know how long he kept looking her then came in the washroom.

He looked himself in the mirror of the wash basin; that moment by looking his condition anybody without hesitation could declare him mad.

Who are the lovers? Except the madness, lunacy and an endless thurst what else they possess which someone could be able to see.

And what need he had to hide this madness from the world. He just had to satisfy his thurst and for that he was ready to do anything which could provide him a little peace.

Next five days, he remained busy with Azhar Khalid. Selecting few pictures of Qandeel he made their editing by Azhar in front of him, included the graphic designing and back effects of his own choice and then had ordered the expensive frames for those pictures and just after five days, the walls of his room were packed with the jumbo size pictures of Qandeel.

Fazal was surprised but remained silent, perhaps he had an idea that for every man a time comes in his life when he does all this for the satisfaction of his love, this is another thing that some people get chance to show their love in front of whole world like Ilaaf where as some have to limit their feelings to their hearts.

Ilaaf didn’t know why he is doing all this,he just wanted that walking, sitting, coming, going, how long he is present in the room, Qandeel’s face should be there just at a distance of a single sight.

And then that day, when Rohail had come to meet him, Ilaaf was making a tune on guitar and permitting a pain to come out in the form of some words. Rohail was visiting after a whole month due to exams and didn’t know that what has happened during this one month.

“Talab kya hai, talab kya hai,

Is ki her saans men balaa hai”

The moment Rohail came inside, Ilaaf was singing with closing his eyes. Looking him drowned in the tunes like this, Rohail remained silent, then he was about to sit on the couch when badly surprised looking the walls of Ilaaf’s room; with bursting eyes he kept looking the pictures of Qandeel.

“Ya ik lamha, ya kaeen sadiyaan

Hai koshish, aur chalna hai

Talab kya hai, talab kya hai

Is ki her saans men balaa hai”

His tone had so much pain. Rohail kept listening sitting aside.

“Hai us ka shauq hi deewana pan

To is parwaney, ko jalna hai

Talab kya hai, talab kya hai

Is ki her saans men balaa hai”

Rohail was scared from his lunacy and surprised as well. He could never imagine that a careless and willful person like Ilaaf would be fallen in someone’s love like this.

“Tajassus men, is raaz key

Ye dil aik ghoont, mangta hai

Talab kya hai, talab kya hai

Is ki her saans men balaa hai

Jo mil jaye zara ye jam

Do aalam ko bhulana hai

Talab kya hai, talab kya hai

Is ki her saans men balaa hai

Men pyasa hi naa, kyun mer jaoon

Bta dey rooh ger, talab kya hai

Talab kya hai, talab kya hai

Is ki her saans men balaa hai”

Stopping the hand Ilaaf opened his eyes, raised his head and then surprised to see Rohail.

“When did you reach? I couldn’t know.” He asked with a surprise.

“You have no concern about things around you, Ilaaf, how can you know this then?” Ilaaf smiled.

“Lunatics don’t know about themselves, Rohail, how can they know about things going on around?” Perhaps Rohail was surprised because Ilaaf had said something having a deeper meaning.

“If she ever comes to know, Ilaaf, that you have filled your room walls with her pictures and I am responsible for that then she will kill me and you both. I had not a slight idea that you will do this with these pictures otherwise I would have thought thousand times before even giving them to you.”

Ilaaf hadn’t answered and keeping guitar aside went and stood in front of the picture of Qandeel that was hanging on the front wall.

She was looking him and smiling.

“If someday you look at me in real like this smiling then perhaps I will go mad due to the extreme happiness, Qandeel.” Rohail looked him with a surprise.

He was talking to her picture, not to Rohail.

For a while, he kept standing there near her picture and turned back and addressed Rohail.

“I need the address of Qandeel’s home. I want to meet her father.”

Rohail looked him seriously.

“You don’t need to talk to Yousuf uncle yourself, leave it on me. Papers are going to be finished, after that I will talk to him at some suitable time.”

“No, if you want that your and Qandeel’s friendship should be continued then you will have to keep yourself away from this matter, perhaps it is better for you.”

“What do you mean?” Rohail looked him surprisingly.

Ilaaf went on terrace. Rohail followed him.

“After the incident of that day, if you now even said a single word in my favor in front of her or her father then this could also lead to an end of your friendship, Rohail.”

“Which incident you are talking about? Which day you are referring, Ilaaf?” He was confused.

Ilaaf looked him with a surprise. “She really hadn’t told anything to you?” He asked surprisingly.

“No, exams have been started and we don’t have enough time to talk and she…..” Rohail stopped and started thinking something. Ilaaf looked as he didn’t understand anything.

“She doesn’t talk to me much and we couldn’t meet much during the papers. But the truth is that she is avoiding me and I even couldn’t feel that why is she doing so.” Ilaaf squeezing his lips gazed him. “What has happened, Ilaaf? What did you do? What that even she is angry to me and me….how stupid I am that I couldn’t have the idea.” Ilaaf turned and spread his both arms over the railing, and bent his head down. “I have asked something to you, Ilaaf. Tell me, what’s happened?” Rohail had shaken his arm.

Ilaaf had a deep sigh and then he told everything to Rohail in short, and then both of them came inside the room one after other.

“Oh My God, what have you done, Ilaaf?” Rohail held his head in his hands sitting on the bed.

Ilaaf very silently stood tilting his back with the wall.

“You have left nothing. What would she be thinking about you….and what would she be thinking about me because I am the real source of this incident. And Adnan…..why did you take him with you? He doesn’t know how to talk with the gentle ones. He is better with talking to criminals.” Ilaaf hadn’t answered, let him to take out his anger.

I am really not able even to stand in front of her; talking about your marriage to her is far enough now, if I just could manage to continue my friendship it would be enough for me. I can not afford to lose a friend like Qandeel, I will just ask her forgiveness for me; don’t have courage to talk about you or to try to give the clarification from your side now.”

Ilaaf sat besides him.

“The mistake which is mine let me to see its result. She and her father whether forgive me or curse me; I take its responsibility on myself. Just give me her address; I will go to meet her father and try to solve out the issues myself; won’t include you now in any matter. If you want then you can declare yourself unconcerned from this incident.”

Roahil kept thinking for a while then having a deep sigh said.

“Alright, I will give you her address but in my opinion, you should go in the absence of Qandeel there. Yousuf uncle would give your words more importance as compare to Qandeel and at least you will get a chance to justify yourself.”

“Yes, I hope so….” The tone of Ilaaf had tiredness.

“Infact, do one thing. Go at her home this Monday in order to meet Yousuf uncle. Qandeel has her birthday this Monday; she is giving all of us a treat after the paper. She won’t be at home and you would be able to talk to Yousuf uncle in detail.”

Ilaaf had looked Rohail as he had told him some news.

“What is the date this Monday?” He asked.

Rohail told the date, it was the first week of December. Qandeel’s birthday was coming in the next week.

Ilaaf kept thinking for a while then asked.

“How old she would be this Monday?”

“Twenty two.” Rohail replied in short.

The brain of Ilaaf had started the calculations.

“She is two years, four months and eight days younger than me.” He felt his voice was coming from a cage.

Rohail had looked him surprisingly.

“Ilaaf, why are you doing these calculations?”

Ilaaf looked Rohail with a painful smile.

“What else lovers have except these calculations?”

Rohail had seen many candles kindling and quenching in his eyes at the same time.

Next few days, he had just kept thinking that the day of Qandeels’ birthday used to come and leave very silently in his life for last twenty two years, had ever he imagined that this ordinary day at sometime in life would become so important for him? No, he had never thought, he was Ilaaf Laashari who never used to give importance to anything, any day, any moment in his life. His own birthday was never was so important for him, how much importance had got this ordinary day, and how powerless he was that could not be able to celebrate anything that day, could not be able to see Qandeel, could not be able to wish her birthday. Had anyone else got this powerlessness at his credit like this? He was sure; No.

On midnight of Sunday and Monday, when perhaps a silent breeze of December was wishing Qandeel her birthday, Ilaaf while breathing on the roads of the city was trying to convey his feelings to Qandeel, perhaps on the peak of powerlessness he just could do it. He had parked his car somewhere, and then he had kept walking at the roadside for a long time, kept saying to the silence the sadness what was in his heart, kept telling them that how much he loves Qandeel. At this hour of the night, the cool and dry wind of December, kept telling him by striking to his body that they could understand his pain. Before this, Ilaaf had never felt December so sad, so quiet, so desolated, and so deserted during his entire life, perhaps December has the quality to understand the inside weather of man more than all other weathers and that’s why in the moments of pain and grief, December seems to be very kind to every man.

The next day, he came to Qandeel’s home at the time told by Rohail. He parked his car intentionally out of the street, didn’t want that even Qandeel’s spirits could know his presence there but the truth was that Ilaaf’s own spirits didn’t know that what is going to happen with him today.

The door was opened by Yousuf Mairaj as was expected and he wasn’t surprised to see him which he should be according to the idea of Ilaaf.

Unexpectedly he behaved very pleasantly, Ilaaf felt like he was unaware of that incident otherwise at least he wouldn’t have reacted like this.

“Come inside.” He stepped aside and gave space to Ilaaf.

Ilaaf came inside. Yousuf Mairaj was about to shut the door when had seen somebody in the street.

“Son, be seated there. I am just coming back in five minutes, and then will talk to you in detail.” Saying in a rush he opened the door and went out.

Ilaaf moved few steps ahead then stopped and started looking the house.

The courtyard was wide and there were three rooms across the veranda.

He came somewhat ahead and now was looking everything very intensely.

The doors of the rooms were opened. At the right corner of veranda there was kitchen and at the right corner of the courtyard there were stairs which perhaps were going towards the house top. He looked keenly, at the fourth step from down to up kept there was a keyboard which was most probably of Qandeel.

The small house was unknowingly felt to be attractive for Ilaaf. Ilaaf wasn’t feeling as he had come there first time in his life, he felt as he had kept living there for centuries. He felt a strange affection to each and everything of that house, perhaps the reason was that it was the home of Qandeel Yousuf; the home of the woman whom he had loved most.

Standing quietly there he kept penetrating that peace inside his body.

Yousuf Miaraj was back after a while.

“Sorry, you had to wait. Kaleem Sahib is my old friend, lives in the neighbouring street; sometimes stays on the way and comes to meet me; just talking for few minutes standing in the street and then goes back.” Ilaaf liked his simplicity.

“No, I hadn’t to wait much.” He said smiling.

“Qandeel is not home. Today was her paper and after that she had to go somewhere with her friends that’s why is not back yet.” The details that he told, Ilaaf was already aware from that.

“I have come to meet you.” Ilaaf had surprised on his straight forwardness.

“Then it is very good. Come sit here and then we talk.” He sat on the chair in the courtyard in front of him.

Ilaaf asked about his health. Yousuf Mairaj aked few formal questions as well. Didn’t know why whatever he had come to say, couldn’t find courage to say all this.

“You have to say something very important, Ilaaf.” Perhaps he had noticed his uneasiness.

Ilaaf shook his head.

“Then say, whatever you want to say you can without any hesitation. I will hear you with attention and calmness.” His tone had something very kind and his personality had something very attractive.

For a while with his head down, he kept thinking then raised his head and said.

“I like Qandeel and I want to marry her.” He was surprised because on this sentence of his, he had not seen the expressions of Yousuf Mairaj’s face changing. His courage went high and got strength to say more, “I know that she is already engaged but I am powerless in this case, and have come here giving up in front of my heart. I can not see anyone else except her these days, she is everywhere around me, I can not take her love out of my heart, its impossible for me. I admit, I am not a good person, I have many weaknesses, bad habits as well but I am not a liar. My each and every word is a truth but she doesn’t want to believe. She even doesn’t want to look my face, hates me but the reality is that with how much hatred she refuses me, her love inside me catches the fire with the same extent. I don’t know what are you thinking about me but I just know one thing that I couldn’t see any other way and hence came here to meet you.” He was tired by saying and then was quiet.

“I have thought about you, Ilaaf, what I should think about you.” Ilaaf gazed him. “Love is just like water, wherever goes finds its own way. Nobody gives place to love with his own wish, if this right of selection would be given to man then perhaps the beauty and magnificence will be vanished from the world and no place would be more ugly to live other than the world. As far as Qandeel’s engagement is concerned then actually in this relationship the more part was of Sami and Qandeel rather than I because I think kids have to spend their lives together, and they should have full right to take the most important decision of their lives on their own and I have given this right to Qandeel. If she takes a decision today to marry you and not Sami then I will not have any issue that Sami is my nephew, I will accept her decision by heart. If you convince Qandeel, and successful to win her heart then it would be as pleasing for me as it could be if she marries Sami. But do you know Ilaaf, there is just a single way to win one’s heart and that is awarding……with respect, unconditional love and trust, considering one’s grief like own grief, one’s pain as own pain and one’s happiness as own happiness. It is the only way to conquer someone’s heart; Nature has created no other way for this purpose.” Hearing him Ilaaf was getting a strange satisfaction, peace and belief. He was amazed; his words had some magic in them.

“You are saying the truth, sir. This is the only way to conquer someone’s heart and no other way is possible.” He felt his tone was weak.

“So, should I expect that what you did that day with Qandeel, you won’t repeat anything like that again?” Ilaaf gazed him in a surprise then squeezed his lips and bent his head down. So, he knew everything; Ilaaf’s idea was not right.

“Qandeel told you everything?” He asked with embarrassment after a while.

He smiled. The embarrassment of Ilaaf was enhanced.

“She tells me everything, Ilaaf. She hides nothing, and the truth is that she can not hide anything to me, she is my daughter Ilaaf, I have brought up her. I can feel each and every color of her face, can read her each and every expression. After the guidance that she had got from me, I know she is capable to see and analyze life with her own style, and that’s why whatever decision she will take, it would be best for me to accept even if in reality the decision would be so wrong to take.” He just had seen his face.

“How strange and different Qandeel is, you are even more strange and different. I can not believe that despite of knowing everything about my cheap act, you are hearing me like nothing has happened. No warning, no complain, no reaction I could see nothing in your behavior.” The smile of Yousuf Mairaj grew deeper.

“When a person is already embarrassed on his wrong act and has already decided not to repeat that act again then cursing or accusing him is equivalent to force him to do another wrong act.” Ilaaf had smiled willingly for the first time. “I am sure that now you will take each and every step carefully and will try a right way to win Qandeel’s heart. Normally Qandeel is very soft kind in nature but don’t know why this time her behavior is very different; doesn’t like even to hear your name. You will have to struggle hard in this case being very careful.” Ilaaf shook his head.

“I think she is about to reach now, your staying here is not good. Her anger has still not been ceased and to face her right now can make the situation worse.” He was advicing Ilaaf like a closed friend.

Ilaaf stood smiling. Both of them had shaken hands and then moved towards the door.

They were somewhat away from the door when the door was opened and Qandeel along with Maryam entered laughing.

Yousuf Mairaj and Ilaaf stopped suddenly.

Ilaaf had seen her or either had seen his life standing few steps away to him.

Qandeel and Maryam had looked him and the smiles were disappeared from their faces.

Entire body of Qandeel was rigid as she had never moved an inch in her life.

Ilaaf kept looking her without blinking his eyes.

“You…..I had told you that day that if you followed me now then the outcome will be worst and you have reached my home.” Qandeel barked.

Ilaaf hadn’t answered, he didn’t want to answer. Infact, he hadn’t any answer to give her and that moment he didn’t want to waste his time in search of the words to give the answer; how many moments he had got, wanted to see Qandeel.

“You are not aware of any kind of word like shame, humanity and self respect, Ilaaf Laashari. Even after acting in such a cheap manner, how fearlessly and without any hesitation you have reached my home, and by the way why have you come? Which lie do you want to tell now to get your purpose?” She was throwing the burning coals with her eyes.

Ilaaf kept looking her; was looking her after whole thirty six days.

Today was her birthday; she was twenty two now.

Ilaaf’s life had been living into the world for twenty two years and Ilaaf… unaware he was that had kept living unaware from the existence of his life.

“How dare you to step inside my home?” She had asked by scolding.

“Qandeel, listen to me, my daughter! Ilaaf was just……” Qandeel interrupted Yousuf Mairaj.

“Just a minute, Baba. You don’t say anything in this case. You don’t know this man. Perhaps you would have believed on his greasy lies, but I am well aware of his reality.” Then she turned towards Ilaaf.

“Get out of my home, now and this moment. Otherwise I will kick you out.” Ilaaf’s feet were embedded in the ground. She was ordering him to go away from his life.

And perhaps this silence of Ilaaf had made Qandeel’s anger to touch the skies.

“Didn’t you understand what did I say, Ilaaf Laashari. Didn’t you hear, I have said that get out of my home.” Qandeel pulled his left arm and pushed him forward towards the door.

“Qandeel, what are you doing?” Maryam had interrupted the entire matter for the first time. Yousuf Mairaj also said something but Ilaaf…..he had not resisted a bit.

“Go, just get lost from here. And if you come again here then I will treat you in a more bad way.”

Ilaaf kept looking her for a while then with his head down and tired feet moved towards the door and came outside. And then he didn’t stop in the street; kept moving with lifeless steps.

Angry face of Qandeel, her beautiful eyes full of hatred, poison emitting from melodious tone and her shooting touch; that moment he was just in an enclosure of these feelings.

How he reached his car and how he reached home by driving, he didn’t remember anything. But when his senses started working then he found himself in front of his home, and just then he felt that he hadn’t the courage to go inside home. There was a great suffocation inside him and he didn’t want to go inside home with this suffocation.

Starting the car he came on the road again, and then moved towards the sea.

Habitual to live in splendors, Ilaaf Laashari wanted complete loneliness that day. Parking the car in a desolated corner, he came down and sitting on a big rock looked the sea.

Why the time of dusk presents a sad view always, he could never know and today this view seemed to be sharing his grief like a kind and loving friend for him.

And after a long gap, now he thought deeply about each and every moment that passed a while ago and just then he was surprised on himself for the first time. He was all time proud and arrogant that ordinary jokes of many people were taken in a bad way. People used to be careful while making slight jokes to him and she was Qandeel…….who always used to talk to him in a rough and strict tone, but don’t know why he never got angry on her. How she had treated Ilaaf today, how she misbehaved, Ilaaf was surprised why didn’t he get angry even a little on her?

“Does love take out the arrogance of arrogant ones in this way? Does it break the strong person into pieces like this? Does it melt the stones like wax in this way? Does it snatches every power from the powerful and makes him powerless in the same way?”

How much he was thinking was feeling something inside him getting height.

It was dark now. Didn’t know how long he kept sitting there and looking the sea waves striking their head to the sea shore.

“Beyqarar hai dil mera, beyqarar hum men

Apney jism o jaan per hi beyikhtiar hun men”

The agitation was so much that words were emitting even without guitar. He started singing; on the tune of the blows of the cool breeze he was feeling a strange peace singing these words.

“Jadoo ye mujh pey tum ney, jaaney kaisa kiya

Saarey zamaney sey ab to, beygaana sa kiya,

Rooh men jo ajab si kasak hai, us pey nisaar hun men

Beyqarar hai dil mera, beyqarar hun men”

He stood.

“If love demands patience and wait then I can wait centuries for you, Qandeel Yousuf, but can not withdraw from your love. I won’t step back, won’t lose the courage, will fight this war of the love till my last breath with my heart and soul.” Touching his left arm with his right hand, he tried to find the touch of Qandeel.


  1. Very action packed episode, the anxiety of Ilaaf is captured very well. The fire of Qandeel and cool of Yousuf Mairaj are quite an interesting paradox. The various moods of all characters are testimony to writer's skill and awareness. The selection of poetry is good and creates a touching impact, I believe this is your poetry.

  2. Sir Akhtar, thank you for reading and liking the post. Yes, the poetry is mine.

  3. "Remembrance belongs to heart and one can not detach the heart from the body by tearing the chest."
    - Loved this thought.

    “Oh My God, what have you done, Ilaaf?” Rohail held his head in his hands sitting on the bed.
    - "buhahah!" this laugh came unintentionally when i read this line... i think i liked Ilaf's idea of following Qandeel :D

    "perhaps December has the quality to understand the inside weather of man more than all other weathers"
    - oooooooh! so THIS is the philosophy of December :p

  4. "Love is just like water, wherever goes finds its own way"
    - Likes

    "But do you know Ilaaf, there is just a single way to win one’s heart and that is awarding……with respect, unconditional love and trust, considering one’s grief like own grief, one’s pain as own pain and one’s happiness as own happiness"
    - Liked it too

    "They were somewhat away from the door when the door was opened and Qandeel along with Maryam entered laughing."
    - Dhattt! :D not good!

    “Does love take out the arrogance of arrogant ..... the same way?”
    - Best paragraph

  5. hmmm... Ilaaf failed in his real test... umm... to win :D

    This post moved fast as compared to the last one. Now i'm waiting to see the reaction of other party in coming posts

  6. rIZ, thank you for reading and commenting. The parts of the post you mentioned you like, I like them too as well and yes, you will see the reaction of the other party in the coming post...

    Who is failure and who is successor? Its a tricky thing to discuss right now.

  7. since the last few chapters i have started feeling pity for this guy Ilaaf Lashari and i wanted to cry hard for him...such an engrossing chapter