Chapter no. 15: A Meeting, A Separation (II)

That night also passed in tossing and turning. It seemed like insomnia was beginning to become a permanent part of his life. He was craving for sleep yet his mind was whirling with thoughts. Thoughts about Qandeel, about himself and about both of them together, their future which was very much endangered at the moment. Though he was aware that just thinking about something couldn’t present a solution but did he have any choice?

After breakfast he informed Adnan that he’d be visiting city, may be home too.

“It’s good that you brought it up. I was also thinking about it. I have to complete Agha Jan’s chores, let’s go together.” He offered.

“No, you must stay here. Qandeel will be alone and I don’t trust your men.” Adnan was taken aback by his tone.

“OK, then. I will go later in the evening.” He closed the matter.

Before leaving, he came in Qandeel’s room. She was sleeping peacefully even at this hour. May be she slept late at night, he thought to himself. He brought empty salad plate out and locked the door. He ordered Noori to serve Qandeel breakfast whenever she wakes up and ask her to change clothes.

“Bibi ji doesn’t listen to me, Sayin.” Noori lamented.

“Still, ask her for once.” He went out.

Ilaaf visited his home first. Fazal brightened up when he saw him.

He took important stuff from his room and said to Fazal, “I cannot stay here for long. I have come to finish some work then will return to farmhouse. We will talk later.”

“Sayin, jeweler called.” Ilaaf paused. He had totally forgotten that ring which he had ordered on accident day.

“What did he say?” He asked.

“He was inquiring if he could deliver the ring.”

“Call him and ask him to deliver it. Keep it with you. I will take it from you later.”

Fazal nodded and then continued, uncertain.

“Sayin, can I ask something?” Ilaaf became curious.

“Yes?”

“Sayin, is bibi alright?”

“Whom are you talking about?” He inquired seriously, having no idea what he had in mind.

“I am talking about Qandeel bibi.” He offered, afraid he would get angry.

“Yes she is fine. What made you ask after her?” He needed to know.

“Because I want her to reach her home safely and then you two should marry.” Ilaaf was surprised at how much he was privy of and found his innocence endearing. How easy he thought all this was.

“I know you since your childhood, Sayin. I always did your work myself. I love you more than I love abba or Sassi. I am witnessing it first time that you are doting on a woman like this, Sayin. I think you love her a lot, Sayin. Your eyes lit up when you see bibi’s pictures so I can imagine the satisfaction you might feel when you see her in real. I want you to be happy and so I pray Lord that everything gets settled so you can marry her.” Ilaaf nodded and went out.

What a twisted sense of humor this world had; a mere servant was aware what this girl meant to him but his own father was so indifferent to his feelings.

He bought few books and CDs for Qandeel and then headed towards her home. Last night Yusuf Mairaj had requested him to meet him. Though he was aware that he would not be able to meet his eye, yet he couldn’t reject his request. That is why he had stopped Adnan accompanying him. He didn’t want Adnan to know that he was in contact with Yusuf Mairaj. 

He parked his car outside the street and strolled to the house. It was an amazing feeling; he was familiar of this place as if he had been coming here all his life when in fact he hadn’t known this place before meeting Qandeel. Even the scorching sun seemed to be greeting him. And that familiarity continued when he knocked on this old wooden door.

Yusuf Mairaj opened the door. He smiled as if Qandeel herself had returned.

“I knew you would visit me.” He brought him inside.

He chose to sit in veranda. Even sweating felt good inside these walls.

Yusuf Mairaj kept on looking at him and that threw him off guard. He looked around to avoid his gaze.

When Yusuf Mairaj started speaking, a rush of envy flooded Ilaaf. He was envious of his life, Qandeel. If only for once fate could give me way, I would switch fathers with Qandeel and then see how she, who accuses me of being coward and weak, could prove herself to be brave, he thought to himself.

Sitting there, he regarded everybody, who had a father like Yusuf Mairaj, lucky. A respected, trustworthy, loving and compassionate person who was as forgiving and cool-headed for an enemy as for a friend. 

“Qandeel is cool of my eyes, Ilaaf. If I could, I would never even let air to touch her harshly. However, this is life and everybody has to face his or her own share of trials. That is why I always stood by her decisions, never argued about them to be emotional and certainly didn’t force my decisions over her. I may have to leave her eventually and it’s better for her to learn to take her own decisions, and it’s good for her that she gets to learn from her mistakes. She’ll gain experience from all of it, I am sure. And also, because I want her to learn to live alone. Her mother too had to face so much opposition in her life; she had to live alone for longer periods before she met me. Her life is a mirror image of her mother’s even her illness is inherited from Saima.” Ilaaf looked at him as he spoke, his each word wrapped in affection for her and her mother.

“And I am also aware of the ordeal you are going through. I know it will not be possible for you to help her in any way in future just like now so I don’t want you to put you in any test by forcing you into any pledge.”  The fact that he didn’t hold him responsible for the present circumstances was astounding for him. “I have only one request for you. An old ill man requests a man who regards him as his father and loves his daughter immensely.” His voice shook; Ilaaf strained his ears in consternation and looked at him closely.

“Always love Qandeel the same way. Always be there for her. Try to guard her life and honor. I am not sure why am I saying all of this to you but I feel like you are the only person in this world for this. Whether you give her your name or not, even if you are unable to stand with her, give her your love always. Whether I am alive or dead, the fact that there is one such person who loves Qandeel more than I do will be enough for me. I could die easily then, Ilaaf. Right now I feel like I am in purgatory. Thinking about her make me lose my mind.”   

Ilaaf held his hands impulsively and said subserviently, “Please don’t worry, I have been unable to get her out of that place yet she is dear to me more than my life. I will protect her no matter what. Although she’ll never want to marry me but I’ll do whatever I could.”

Yusuf Mairaj looked at him inquisitively. “Have you two talked about this matter?”

Ilaaf bowed his head.

“Tell me what did she say?” He lifted his face up.

“She has rejected me.” He was resigned.

“She must have said it under pressure. She can’t be saying it for real.” Yusuf Mairaj’s composure was overwhelming for Ilaaf.

“I think you have a misunderstanding, Uncle. She never liked me before and now after this accident she hates me. She’s so cold and distant towards me.” His sadness was oozed out into his words.

“That cannot be real, Ilaaf”

“It is true.”

“She loves you.”

Ilaaf laughed humorlessly.

“She hates me.”

“My daughter does not know how to hate.”

“She has learned to hate after meeting me.”

“Qandeel only knows how to love.”

“But she has all the hate in this world for me.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“I have.”

“I don’t reckon.”

“I have accepted it.” He was defeated.

They remained silent for some time then Yusuf Mairaj said,

“We’ll discuss it some other day, now is no time for it. Time will decide and then we won’t have to defend our stances,” Ilaaf nodded in agreement.

“I am satisfied now that I have talked to you. I knew you’ll not disappoint me. I was sure that you’ll be the one for her and now I trust you. You will stand by her in trials because your love is unconditional. I am grateful to you.” Ilaaf wanted the earth to open up and swallow him right away, he was that embarrassed at his last words. He hadn’t even done anything for her and he was still so humble.

“Please, don’t be.” He kissed his hands and Yusuf Mairaj took his face in his hands.

“You are just like Omer. Each of your features resembles him.” That jolted Ilaaf.

“You know Omer Uncle?”

Yusuf Mairaj couldn’t answer him right away.

“How?” He inquired again.

“He was martyred, no? And everybody knows martyrs, Ilaaf. Everybody had cried the day he had died. Many had been present in his funeral. Very few people are as fortunate as he was. He certainly was a lucky person and you too are very lucky Ilaaf.”

“I wish it was true, uncle.” He snorted.

“Don’t lose hope, it’s wrong.” He patted his back affectionately.

He got up to leave.

“Qandeel will be home soon.” He tried, unsuccessfully, to soothe him.

“I know.” He smiled.

He turned to leave then paused.

“Is it Qandeel’s room? He pointed towards the room.

“Yes”

“Can I umm..have a look?” He inquired hesitatingly.

“Why not.”

He came inside her room and looked around. Yusuf Mairaj waited outside.

It was a small room. Yet it was more than a world for him. He looked at the bed; It’s here she reclines to read a book or simply lie down and dream. For a moment, he too wanted to lie down there and dream, but he couldn’t.

Then he looked at other things; writing table, rocking chair, bookshelf, computer, wardrobe and dressing table. Everything was sacred for him. He stayed for a while there and then decided its rude to stay longer here so came out.

They came to the door.

“We’ll meet again.”

“Sure.” Yusuf Mairaj smiled. There was something in his smile which he couldn’t pinpoint. “Khuda hafiz.”

He almost ran into a guy who was about to knock at the door.

That guy stopped when he saw Ilaaf and looked at him closely. The woman behind him made a face when she saw Yusuf Mairaj and Ilaaf together.

“Oh, Sami. Come inside.” Yusuf Mairaj welcomed him. “And Saleha apa is also with you, good.” They went inside.

Ilaaf regarded Sami. So he’s Qandeel’s fiancé. What was so special about him, why, in the world, he had to have the honor of being that lucky person, and also without asking for it? He asked himself.

 Sadness surrounded him when he was heading back to the farmhouse.

Adnan was waiting for him impatiently.

“Where have you been man! I have had to be back by night.”

“You can go now. I am here with Qandeel.”

“I am taking Rishi and few other men with me. You will have Noori and Khursheed here. Khursheed will guard the jungle and surroundings; you will have to take care of Qandeel.” Ilaaf nodded.

Adnan took car keys from him and paused again.

“You understand that you’ll have to watch out for her as well, don’t you? Because if she escapes before verdict is announced then I nor you or nobody else in this case will be able to stop Qaiser Uncle killing her.” 

Adnan was dreading that Ilaaf would try to take her home behind him and so he thought it necessary to remind him of the stakes.

“I am aware of that.” He responded dryly and went inside.

There was silence when they all left.

Ilaaf tended to his work and came to Qandeel’s room. He stopped in his tracks when he entered. She was standing in front of dressing table, combing her hair.

He was riveted. She wasn’t aware of his presence. She had taken a shower and changed dress. In white shalwar and light blue shirt, her back to him, her efforts, apparently failing to straighten them made him weak in the knees.

He knocked instead of entering without informing.

She turned back and hurried across the room to her dupatta. She had to leave her hair as they were.

“I brought these for you; CDs and books. It will help you to pass your time here.”

Uninterested, she sat on the bed. Ilaaf began to shelf the books.

“Where is Noori?” She asked.

“May be in the kitchen.” He said.

“What about Adnan?”

“He has gone to city with his men.” He answered her unthinkingly and got back to shelving the books.

There was silence then. Ilaaf looked at where Qandeel was sitting and she wasn’t there. He looked around. She was not in the room.

Alarm bells rang in his head and he recalled her questions. It took him a moment and he was out of the room, took two stairs at a time and rushed towards the main gate. He was furious with himself why he had left her room’s door open. By the time he came out, she had crossed main gate, which was open. She was unfamiliar with the pathways and he was afraid Khursheed would act without orders.

“Qandeel, stop!” He had shouted at her but she ran faster when she heard him behind her. Ilaaf took alternate route, crossed a pathway and caught her in time.

“Stop!!” He held her by her forearm.

“Leave me, for God’s sake leave me and let me go.” She tried to slip from his hold.

“Don’t be foolish!” He held her fast. She continued to struggle in his arms and her hair—wet from the recent wash-- caressed his face. He closed his eyes and went still. Nevertheless, damage was done. His cheek was wet and he breathed her scent from the earlier contact. 

He opened his eyes. He could touch her hair, he was that close. He was intoxicated; he wanted to be closer still. He wanted to lose himself in those thick tresses, to slumber in there forever. But then she elbowed him harshly and he came back to his senses.

He was, for the very first time, suddenly very angry with her.

He pulled her to face him and slapped her hard across the face.

Stunned, her hand automatically went to where he had hit. Her eyes were wide as if she couldn’t believe that Ilaaf could do such a thing to her.

“You hit me?” She asked, shocked.

“Yes. And I will repeat it if you insist on being foolhardy.” He still was very angry with her.

“You cannot stop me. I will go.” She spat the words out at him.

“Let’s see how you will leave this place.” He hissed and then held her wrist briskly.

“Come inside at once.” He dragged her the whole way to her room and she came behind him, like a bird stuck in a rack.

Ilaaf was a man, and strong at that. She didn’t stand a chance with him. And anyway, he

hadn’t let her have her way this time.

    

Ilaaf had decided that if she would still try to make a run then he would carry her to her room. But she remained silent all the way, dumbfounded.  

He pushed her to the sofa in her room.

“Do not try to escape ever again, Qandeel or I’ll forget I love you. You are forcing me to be rough with you. Whatever I am doing is for your own good.” He pursed his lips. Qandeel didn’t respond. She was still in shock by his reaction.

He went to the door then paused and returned.

“And tie your hair or I will do it myself. I don’t want to see them lose until you are here or else I’d cut them.”

He had no way to fathom the reason behind his bitterness. His nerves were wrought.   

Her eyes were wide in astonishment.

Ilaaf came outside and locked the door.

Some moments make you weak; such had passed over Ilaaf.

He couldn’t shake this feeling off of him even when he was in his room.

The more he thought the less fathomable the things appeared. He shuddered at the thought what would have happened if he had been just a little late in checking his emotions, when he was that close to her. And what if he would have done something—He couldn’t dare think ahead.

She was sacred for him. He worshipped her. How could he think of lowering himself to such level! True that he wanted to make her his but through rightful means, through her willful submission, not by force.

Moreover, this incident had jolted him. He realized that he was a mere human and he could stumble however much he try to be careful and so he decided to not to test his guts until her stay. It is most painful thing to ruin your life with your own hands. An unlucky person would like things this way, however, Ilaaf was not of that kind.

(Special thanks to Noor-e-Hira Shamim for translating this post)

Chapter no. 15: A Meeting, A Separation (I)

  

The same jungle, those wolves and darkness was as vivid as reality. She kept on crying and calling for Ilaaf who was lying just few feet away from her, unconscious from the assaults of those wolves, unable to hear her cries and help her to get rid of them. They were ready to attack her. Then one of them pounced at her elbow, she screamed. Then she fell down on her knees and tried to crawl towards Ilaaf but another of them bit into her ankle. A blood-curdling scream escaped her and then everything went dark.  

She was drenched in sweat when she woke up to. She let out a low sob. Ilaaf was dozing, on a chair, near her bed. In half-lit room, she could see only his face which was shining brightly even in dim light. She tried to catch her breath for a little while and then sat-up, without making a noise. She didn’t want to wake him up. She tried to recall what had happened before she fell unconscious. She remembered every thing; the dog-fight, Ilaaf handling her, of her going off, then coming around again, Ilaaf had patted her cheek to make her sleep and then she had blacked out again, even her dream was fresh in her mind. She marveled at this fact, of her memory retaining everything despite of her being so out of control.

She had her first attack when she was 9 years old. She had witnessed two ninth graders fighting fiercely. Nobody had come to disperse them off. She had never known the reason of their fight because they had been expelled from school after that. Those boys had used stones and clubs, both were bleeding badly until management arrived.

That day, when Baba came to pick her up from school, he found her leaning to the wall; cold all over, pale. She had run to Baba and had fallen unconscious in his arms right there.

Dr. Lodhi took few tests. When he couldn’t make any sense of her illness, he deduced that it’s the same which had befallen Saima. She was told basics about it and they instructed her to stay away wherever fights took place. Gradually she became used to of living with this illness.

She looked at Ilaaf. He was surrounded by ash and ashtray full of butts of smoked cigarettes. It reminded her of the promise he had made to her in the car that day that he’ll never smoke again. She was angry with him but then she thought better of it. Anyway, he had not been able to keep his other promises.

After making sure he will not wake up, she headed toward the door stealthily. She hadn’t bothered to check the time. In these last three days she had thought of all possible ways of escape and she had decided on one; escaping by tricking Ilaaf. And this was her chance.

She turned the handle, locked. She tried to look for the key.

She came back to where he was sitting. There was no pocket on his T-shirt so the key must be in his Jean’s pocket. She sat near his knees and looked at him closely. She couldn’t decide whether she should try to check his pockets or not. Then she looked him again. The room had enough light so that she could see the full sight of Ilaaf.

He was slumbering. His long lashes curled at the ends and were an invitation to get closer. That moment, she wanted to feel his closed eyes under her fingers but some unknown fear didn’t let her. Her eyes fell on his dark circles that certainly weren’t there before. The change of time had compelled him to sleep less. Her eyes glided on his fair spotless cheeks, to the aristocratic nose, dry lips, to a dimple on his stretched chin which looked like a whirlpool when she looked closely. She looked at his hair, which had covered his forehead, the ears and then continued to look.

He was weak, he couldn’t fight circumstances, nor he could defend his love. She had rejected him yet she couldn’t stop herself from wishing for him – as yet.

That instant was extremely bizarre. She wished for it to last longer. She forgot who was she and where she had come from; he oblivious, deep in his sleep seemed to her like a Prince and she herself was his slave-girl. He needn’t had to buy her, instead she had sold herself at the price of getting to see him daily- whose days spent obeying him, and nights; watching him sleeping. Nothing else mattered.

On a whim, she touched his fingers ever so lightly. She wanted to kiss his feet as well but managed to touch the toe since he had his sandals on them. 

He shifted when she touched him and that movement brought her back to reality. I shouldn’t have done this, she thought to herself.

She stood and moved towards the bed hurriedly. By the time he woke up, she had settled on the bed, leaning to the crown of the bed, looking at her hands clasped in her lap.

“Qandeel, when did you wake up?” He inquired

She looked up at him. His red eyes were indicative of the fact that he hasn’t slept well for many nights.

“Oh, just a little while ago.” She was careful of her words.

“You should have woken me up. I had dozed off.” He said to her, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “How are you now?”

“I am very well now; you don’t need to worry about me anymore.” She couldn’t fathom herself why there always came a strangeness in her voice whenever she addressed him lately. May be she had come to terms with the fact that they can never be united.

“Of course I was worried. I could never have forgiven myself if something had had happened to you.”

“Nothing happened to me, so far, so you can forgive yourself. As for me, I will never forgive you for what you have done to me.” She saw the same fear and ache filling his eyes at her words.

“I am leaving for now.” He said after some time. Qandeel saw him taking out the key from his jean’s pocket. She regretted. Her hunch was right.

“I am hungry. Ask Noori to bring something for me if she is awake.” He paused and turned to face her.

“It totally slipped my mind. Of course, you’d be hungry. Noori would probably be asleep, I will bring it myself.”

She exhaled after he left the room. He was unaware of her sitting close to him.

Ten minutes later he returned with a trolley filled with variety of food.

She came to sit on sofa. He was laying the table for her nonchalantly. She was baffled the way he went about this chore, which seemed extra-ordinary when he was carrying it out. She mused over his actions and wondered; had he ever done this for anybody else? Why didn’t he just wake up his servants and asked them to do this? What did that mean? She was unable to answer any one of her questions.

Qandeel filled her plate with Chinese rice and shashlik with a little yogurt on the side. She was hungry. Ilaaf also put some rice and a piece of Shami with yogurt but he wasn’t eating like her. It looked like his heart wasn’t into it, he’s just eating out of necessity; when in fact he hadn’t had anything since evening. 

There was complete silence during the meal.

When they were done eating, Ilaaf collected everything on the trolley like before. Qandeel however asked him to leave salad plate with her.

He stopped at the threshold and turned to her. It seemed like he was gathering courage to speak to her. She was fully attentive towards him.

“I will visit city some time in the day, you can give me the list of things you need.” Finally, he managed flatly.

“A prisoner needs only one thing; freedom. And that you can’t provide me so you better not ask me this question.”

 “Alright, I will not ask it again but I have a request.”

She looked at him.  

“Please change your dress. It is so untidy; not suitable for you to wear it anymore. You can wear it right after Noori washes it. Don’t be stubborn, for once please.”

“Are you done? Now leave.” She retorted.

Locking the door behind him, he left, resigned.

Qandeel came to the dressing table and looked at herself in the mirror. Not only her clothes but also her hairs were untidy too. She had already decided in the morning to take a bath anyway. She applied some hair oil and tied her hair. She settled herself on the bed and started eating salad; she always liked to take it after meals. She felt good at that moment.

Who was he? She mused over him. One of the strangest people on this planet. Unique, just like his name. He knew how to love but couldn’t fight for it. He could take care of his servants but not of himself. He smoked branded cigarettes yet wasn’t ostentatious. His eyes resembled that of a lunatic’s yet his mind was sharp like a predator. His frame was like that of steel yet his being was shallow as if consumed by weevil. His face bright just like sun yet his heart as black as night. His fingers that of an artist yet his heart was made out of stone.   

The more she tried to understand him; it became more impossible for her to solve his enigmatic personality.

The only thing which was as apparent as day break and which her whole being attested to despite of her rejecting it, was, however coward he was, he governed over her heart. 

(Special thanks to Noor-e-Hira Shamim for translating this post)

Chapter no. 14: The Test (III)

Time and tide wait for none. If it could have been possible, everybody would have stopped catastrophes in their lives. However, life is all about bracing hardships courageously and moving on. Ilaaf had also become a spectator – of his own life. He had been apathetic lately. Considerable time had passed since court had adjourned yet Ilaaf’s mind was still tangled in the proceedings. Saqib and his lawyer’s weak evidences, Muazzam Rana’s tricky questions and absence of Qandeel had all but made the affairs grave. His bail was also been processed successfully. Adnan was taking him to Farmhouse. Next convention was been scheduled after five days and it was possible that verdict will also be given then. He was sure now Saqib will not be able to prove him guilty. He also knew that Qandeel would not be released until case is closed. During this, he had witnessed himself how she was dragged into this matter and media was ridiculing her, defaming her relentlessly. Each trick of his Baba Saayin was on a roll and he – Ilaaf Lashari was a mere spectator just to keep her alive. He was reminded several times in these two days, that the day he tries to help her in escape or in any way at all, will be the last day of her life.  

He detached himself from everything just so he doesn’t endanger her life because of his passion. He also had come to terms with Qandeel’s decision so that she could live. Now, he was concerned about Qandeel’s safety more then his own happiness and contentment.

He didn’t hear a single word Adnan said during the journey. His mind was replaying all those things people said in and out of court, the language they used for Qandeel, how they had dragged her along with her honesty into mud. There was a time when he couldn’t even bear a single offence uttered for her and now he couldn’t even teach those provocateurs any lesson for their foul words.

“I deserve all of it; for being a son of Qaiser Lashari, for loving Qandeel. The wretched person like me is worthy of this treatment.” He replied coldly when Adnan tried to assuage him.

Adnan ignored him though. He was happy for his release and he intended to celebrate it despite of Ilaaf’s mood.

The news of his release had reached before they arrived there and Rishi with his gang received them cheerfully.

“There should be some celebration, Rishi.” Rishi agreed with him.

“Lala, everybody wants a feast in the evening and ---.”

“And?” Adnan inquired curiously.

“Nothing as such, we just want to have a match between our Changez and your Jangli. It has been ages since we had any, and the occasion is fitting as well.”

Adnan laughed out loudly. He had thought he would demand something promiscuous but then Rishi was aware of his moods so he couldn’t dare ask for more.

“Yes, let’s refresh our Jangli and have a match.” Adnan was all smiles. “Let them out of their dens, feed them properly and get them ready for evening. And you will see my Jangli will beat the pulp out of your Changez.” Rishi walked away, laughing hard. Adnan also got busy as he was continuously receiving calls.

The large porch was empty now. Ilaaf scratched the marble with his keys. It felt like everything was finished. Yet the truth was nothing had started yet; life had taken a role of a merciless captor, he had to mourn before having a chance at happiness, his stars were turning away too soon and he was forced to sit a test for which he wasn’t prepared.

He had become more infirm than the autumn leaves. The only woman he ever wished for and loved had rejected him even before acceding to him.   

After a considerable time he examined his handiwork. He had ruined the marble but it wasn’t as ugly as his life was at this moment. He didn’t have the courage to go inside so instead he decided to trek the surroundings. Those uneven pathways so much resembled his bleak life and perhaps they had become his companions for his life.

When light began to vanish, he decided to check upon Qandeel. He heard Adnan and his men in the stable area, where they were holding a match for their dogfight.

He saw Noori running towards him when he was crossing the corridors. It seemed she was looking for him.

“Sahab ji, follow me quickly. There is something wrong with bibi ji.” She was panting.

He got worried. “What happened to her?” taking long strides towards her room he inquired of the maid.

“I am not sure, sahib ji. May be she is having an epileptic seizure. I went to clean her room, she went into balcony then suddenly she started emitting strange sounds.” 

Ilaaf came into her room. She wasn’t there. He went to the balcony where leaning to the railings, she was gasping for air. He paused for a second then went to her. She didn’t look well. She was pale, her hair out of their hold, she was having trouble to breathe.

“Qandeel what is wrong?”

She, out of nowhere, grabbed his collar. He was bewildered.  

“You people are sick, savages. You have no regard for human life or for animals.” She was hysterical, out of control.

He was unable to make sense of her blabbering for a moment, he looked ahead, two wild dogs were grappling one another ferociously and he understood her reaction.

“I am going to stop them. You don’t worry.” He attempted, unsuccessfully, to calm her down.

“You are also one of them.” She certainly wasn’t aware what she was saying.

He told her to come inside but she ignored him and continued to talk incoherently.

He couldn’t decide what he should do then he freed his collar from her and held her by shoulders. He was afraid her condition would go worse if she continued to be in their sight.

“Leave me.” She tried to shake his hold off her but he was stronger and brought her inside.

“I said leave me, you savage!” She started pummeling him with her fists and continued shrieking, unstoppable. Ilaaf was in great consternation. He didn’t know what to do. He tried to bring her to her senses by calling her name but to no avail. Then suddenly her screams decreased to mumbling.

Ilaaf noticed she was drifting away. Her body went limp. His forehead puckered.

“Please Qandeel, stay put.” Nevertheless, she had become unconscious and he caught her before she slumped. Ilaaf sat down automatically with her in his arms.

Everything happened so abruptly he couldn’t even take it all in. He looked at her unconscious form in his arms, she was so close he could touch her easily; but it was no time to entertain these thoughts.

“Bring some water!” He ordered Noori.

When she was back, he sent her for Adnan. She was afraid of his temper right now.

He pulled her up a little and tried to get some water inside her. It slipped down her chin because her lips were clenched tightly. He put the glass down and sprinkled some water over her face but useless. He moved her hair back from her face and patted her cheek, one last attempt to bring her to senses. No success.  

Her breathing was even as if she was asleep.

He looked at her face and then couldn’t blink his eye for a while and at that moment his heart wished to kiss her forehead, her closed eyes, her cheeks and her lips. Apparently that was a wrong move, a dishonesty, but what if he could steal that single moment from many true moments of life, what if he could touch Qandeel’s eyes and lips once while she was unconscious. There was no time to think because if he would start thinking he would certainly have lost that moment. For a while he kept every thought a side in his mind, wanted to live in that only moment when his life his candle was so close to him.

He brought Qandeel more close and then touched her face with his lips. It was a soft soothing feeling that penetrated his whole body. He kissed both of Qandeel’s eyes one by one and then her cheeks and then when he was about to touch her lips he suddenly stopped, a strange feeling prevented him to do anything else.

A strangled sound was coming from her mouth as if she is trying to breathe but cannot. It was so low that one had to move very close to hear it. That blew him as if someone punched him squarely on chest. He was ashamed of himself. At this critical moment when she was in desperate need of medical aid, he was thinking to fulfill his own desire. He admonished himself for unethical behavior. And to think that I love her, he was angry at himself.

He lifted her up and settled her on the bed. He rubbed her palms and started over again the procedure to bring her back to senses when Adnan and Rishi entered the room.

“What happened to her?”

“Why don’t you ask your men instead, why did they choose the same spot for their bloodlust fights which could be seen from Qandeel’s room?”

His sarcastic tone was enough to make him realize the situation.

“I never knew bibi ji was of a faint heart that a mere dog fight would make her go unconscious. I thought she was very brave.” Rishi put in.

His discussion made Ilaaf burst with anger.

“I didn’t ask you to comment!” He roared and Rishi was subdued.

“Think about what we should do next. It will take time to call a doctor from city and it will be dangerous, as nobody know we have kidnapped Qandeel. Qaiser uncle will not approve of it as well.” Adnan tried to sort out the situation.

That ignited Ilaaf’s fury beyond limit.

“To hell with you and your Qaiser uncle!” He thundered.

Both Adnan and Rishi thought better to remain silent.

“What are you looking at! Get out of here now!”

“Ilaaf, I --.” Ilaaf didn’t let him finish.

“You can go away. I don’t even want to see your face.” They both were surprised at his behavior but then Adnan thought better to drop this discussion. They turned to leave.

“And listen.” Ilaaf called them back. “If anything happened to her then I will gladly tear you and your men apart.” He growled like wounded beast.

“Qandeel is my life and I can take care of her, alone. I don’t need any of you.” Adnan left silently.

Ilaaf looked at her for a while. Her expressions were calm and so were her breathing, may be she was sleeping now. He felt better. In that untidy attire, she still maintained her aura.

He came into balcony then and called Yusuf Mairaj. He explained her conditions to him.

“There is no need to worry. You will be able to handle her.” He explained to him how to do it. Ilaaf was curious that Yusuf Mairaj wasn’t worried in least bit. But then he understood his composure as he explained the precautions regarding her illness.

“I am sure you will be able to go about it. My daughter is immovable at times but she is equally sensitive as well. Any unexpected accident reduces her to this form and she always needs to be taken care of whenever such a situation arises.” Ilaaf didn’t interrupt him. “I am certain you will be the one to take care of her when I am gone. I have total trust in you and in your love for Qandeel. This world is cruel. You will need to shelter her from this cruelty and keep her safe from evil intenders. I know you can do this.” Yusuf Mairaj kept on saying other things also. And Ilaaf was surprised at the amount of trust this man put in him despite of knowing that he too was a feudal like his father. In addition, he could become ferocious at any given time. He didn’t think himself worthy of this trust. 

After the call, he came in the room and looked at her peaceful form. So she had CND. Ilaaf was familiar with many psychological illnesses yet this one was new to him. Yusuf Mairaj had told him that this illness was a rare one.

He settled in the chair near bed. He didn’t want to make more mistakes with Qandeel. He needed to keep his distance from her. It perturbed him deeply that in his passion he would prove to be a trouble for her.

Also, he couldn’t leave the room because she needed to be handled as Yusuf Mairaj had explained. She will be alright when she will wake up again. He took out a pack of cigarettes to pass this interval.

Why she had to be so exquisite, so complete? Why he was attracted towards her like he hadn’t been to any other woman! Why her very existence was the reason of his pleasure and fulfillment, why being close to her was an exhilaration of its own kind. Why the desire to touch her as soon as he looked her and the desire to kiss her as soon as he touched her was always there inside him, and how unfortunate he was that remained unable to look, touch and kiss her.

                                  

Ilaaf watched all his desires, wishes diffusing in the whirling smoke. This smoke was temporary. But what about that thick fog of separation which had covered his entire life like a dragon guarding treasure. This curse had concealed all of his hopes.

(Special thanks to Noor-e-Hira Shamim for translating this post)

Chapter no. 14: The Test (II)

Qandeel leaned against the door. She held her breath and sob until Ilaaf’s steps faded away. A long silence prevailed like in a ruin, where your own breathing causes commotion.

He had gone from this room, from her life but had he from her heart too? She couldn’t answer that. Would she ever be able to take him out of her heart, she didn’t know. Qandeel tried to feel her pulse but silent. She strained her ears to listen to the rustle of the trees against air but either her ears had stopped working or terrible silence had engulfed her surroundings. There was only one relentless voice that was melting this cold-hearted girl.

“Qandeel I love you.” Someone had axed her legs to the knees. She fell on the carpet with a thud. She emitted nothing but a sob. “Do not punish me this way.” Someone had flogged her. She lied down and sobbed.

“Do not ask me to not to wish for claiming you.” She wanted to cry but something greasy and thick came out of her nose. She cleaned the blood with her dupatta. Everything was a blur despite of lights being on. She tried to breathe by getting up and the locket around her neck grazed beneath her. She held it up to her face and for the first time, the Glorified Name written on it started her heart again. She felt she could breathe, her vision cleared. Pearls like tears soaked the carpet.

“This Only name has the cure for every grief. No matter how much hurt you are, take this name for once and heartache will go away.” Baba’s voice breathed life into her and the dams in her eyes flowed.

Lying on her right, she cried violent. She touched Allah’s name to her eyes. This grief had torn her to pieces.

“Why did you do this?” She complained to Allah as a child does when her mother hits.

“Why did you put him in my heart? Why did you make me love him so much when he doesn’t deserve it? Why did you do this to me?”

She sat up. “All has gone. You have finished everything, Ilaaf. My pride and honor you finished everything in cold blood.” She had taken a decision when she had made Ilaaf go out, but now she could feel the impact of it; how hard it was to act upon it. She had never experienced this kind of ache before. It was the destination, an ache of separation, which she had decided for them. Moreover, she did not want to back of from this decision. His every promise had proved to be a hollow; he was not eligible to fulfill her conditions. He had faltered on the very first step and she could not trust him anymore. There is much more to life then love and Ilaaf had nothing to give her except his weak and impaired love.

It was not acceptable to her. She needed a strong man who could stand for her, fight for her; not like Ilaaf who could not take a single decision on his own.

She washed her face and went to sleep. She slept until noon and woke up when Noori knocked the door.

Qandeel opened the door and went to wash her face. Noori set breakfast for her. Rishi was also there.

“Bibi, please wash yourself, your clothes are very dirty. The cupboard has all the necessary things.”

Qandeel looked at them then resumed eating

“I am fine in these dirty clothes. Keep your suggestions to yourself.”

After breakfast, Qandeel asked Rishi, “Where is Ilaaf?”

“Sahab was gone before day break.”

“Sahab’s bail has been accepted?” She pried.

“Not yet, bibi ji.”

“Then--- how come he was here?”

He was silent for a while then said, “Lala brings Sahab home every night. Yesterday Lala brought him here.”

Qaiser and Ilaaf Lashari have the audacity to diss the law this way, and I expect good from a person who has made law their backyard maid, she thought to herself.

She felt anger and not hate towards him. She had always been unable to hate him no matter what. She didn’t have any way to know the reason behind this. Rishi had gone and she surrounded herself with thoughts. She didn’t have anything else to do all day.

By evening, her concern for Baba had reached its height. She felt the need to know he was alright. She had never been away from him like this.

That is why she asked Rishi to stay when they brought dinner for her.

“Has Ilaaf arrived?”

“No, not yet. Lala has gone to take him.”

“When they arrive, tell him I need to talk to him. There is an important matter I need to discuss.”

“I will pass your message, ji.”

She managed to take few morsels then got disheartened. She was missing Baba so much her heart was perturbed. She paced the room for a while then sat down when she got tired.

Someone was coming. It would certainly be Ilaaf. She thought and her heart fluttered. It still accelerated for him.

She covered her face and took a long breath to quieten herself. She had to pretend being cold and distant from him. However much it would tear her, she had to get the message clear to him that she felt nothing for him now.

He came inside.

“You wanted to talk to me?” she gave him an empty look. That confused him. “You said you wanted to discuss something important.”

“Yes, I needed to talk to you.” She stood up.

“Yes?” There was an ocean of hope brimming in his eyes. That same ocean had come into her eyes last night and he had thrown her into a desert. It was time to reciprocate it.

“Don’t misunderstand my wish. I need to talk to Baba. I haven’t listened to his voice since tomorrow; he would not be able to bear my absence, as you well know he’s a heart patient.”

His hopes plummeted but he didn’t comment.

He took out his cell phone, dialed the number, handed it to Qandeel and went to veranda. Phone rang a few times at other end then Baba picked it up. Relief washed over Qandeel. She felt light now that Baba was fine.

“How are you Qandeel? You are safe, na? Nobody harmed you, did they?” He asked so many questions in a single breath.

“I am fine and safe Baba. Nobody has harmed me yet nor can anybody dare to do so. Have faith in Allah. They can’t do anything to me. I will be home soon.” She assured him.

“Yes I know my child. They will keep you until court has given verdict, then they will release you.” All pieces fell into place while she talked to Baba; it was a cunning plan. They got her resigned through Asghar Sahib, and then they kidnapped her and discredited her witness by giving her kidnapping the name of ‘leaving on her own accord’. All of their tricks went quite successful.

“Saqib is also looking for you as court will convene tomorrow. He knows that without you he will not be able to prove Ilaaf, guilty. Anyway my child, we did what we could. We cannot help Saqib any further. Right now, my only concern is your safety and life, Qandeel. Please take care of yourself. I will wait for you.”

Qandeel started crying, she wasn’t sure for how many days she will be away from Baba like this.

“Ilaaf made this call for you?” He asked.

“Yes, Baba.” She said.

“Let me talk to him.”

She came in balcony and handed him phone. She couldn’t say anything because of tears. Ilaaf started talking to him. She went inside and sitting on bed with her head resting on knees she cried her heart out. She didn’t know what Baba had said to Ilaaf. She wasn’t expecting any good from him now. How could he help her if he couldn’t even help himself.

He came inside. “Please Qandeel, don’t cry, it really bothers me.”

“You are the reason I am crying, Ilaaf Lashari. You should be happy to see me helpless like this.”

“You are getting me all wrong.”

“I don’t hold you for any thing at all. You are nothing for me from now on. You are a mere stranger. I do not know anything about you except your name, like rest of the world know you because of your ancestors. You alone have no identity, individuality of your own. You are a feudal and prospective politician and nothing else. Nothing further. 

A shadow passed over his face, an ache settled deep down in him. All his dreams shattered in that instant and Qandeel saw it all, felt how her words were perforating his very being yet she was indifferent to it. She too was stabbed; her dreams had also been crumbled. If Ilaaf had to go through all of this then it was his own doing.  

“You can go now. If a need arose, I will call you.”

A drop fell from his left eye. He couldn’t even blink his eye.

“There’s no place for Ilaaf in Qandeel’s life or in her heart.”

“Don’t say that.” He managed to speak.

“We have a similar relation as of a captive and a captor; and that too until I am here. When I am gone there will remain nothing between us.”

 “Qandeel, I ---.”

“You have lost me forever Ilaaf.” She started sobbing, her head on knees. She didn’t check if he was gone.

Qandeel looked at the empty room and came into balcony. She stood where he was standing and looked at the surroundings.

The pastures, susurrus, dewdrops, whisper of the leaves, the bowed branches, perfumed vines, had him. He was everywhere; in every scent, in every movement, that weak and coward Man who couldn’t even give credit to his love.

“Go away Ilaaf. Leave my life and heart like you left this room.” She said to herself.

How weird it was, the man whom she had ordered to leave governed her heart. She had become like a worshiper in a temple who believes in God yet sits in the feet of idols.

(Special thanks to Noor-e-Hira Shamim for translating this post)

Chapter no. 14: The Test (I)

Ilaaf was sitting in semi-darkness, waiting for Adnan. He was curious why Adnan was late to pick him from lock-up. As he now used to take him home by twilight. Sitting by the wall, he was missing Qandeel as usual, his eyes closed, when Adnan came.

“Let’s go. Already we got late. I need to tend to other business after dropping you home.” He looked anxious and in hurry too.

Ilaaf didn’t pry and got up.

There was silence in car too. Adnan never stayed silent for long so Ilaaf got a little worried.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, don’t worry.” His cell phone rang. Ilaaf noticed his forehead creased when he checked the number.

He received the call and ‘hmm-ed’, ‘ahan-ed’ all through it.

“Don’t worry; I am coming there in half hour. Don’t go there nor send Noori now. I will see to it myself.” He ended the call.

“What happened? Where are you going now?” Ilaaf’s curiosity piqued.

Adnan looked at Ilaaf. Ilaaf saw guilt and helplessness there. His heart thudded.

“Tell me, what has happened Adnan?”

“You will know in a while yourself. I cannot tell anything right now, till then, stay put.”

Adnan veered in another direction, which was like an indicator to Ilaaf that they weren’t going home.

“Where are we going?”

“To the farmhouse.”

“Why?”

“I told you already, you will know.”

He sat in silence but he was confused.

Half an hour later, they were in lounge and Ilaaf was waiting for Adnan to tell him what is going on.

Adnan went into a room. When he came out he had some thing in his hand. He offered it to Ilaaf. He stood up. It was a black long cloth. He couldn’t fathom anything and touched it convulsively.

“What is this?” He inquired but a shudder went through his body when he took it in his hand. He had all the wonder in the world, in his eyes. How could he forget this dupatta. She was wearing it when they had met that day. Moreover, that unmistakable perfume was hers. It invigorated his entire body.

“Isn’t it Qandeel’s---?”  Then he came to his senses. “What have you done to Qandeel?” Adnan couldn’t reply to him.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO QANDEEL?” He grabbed him by collar.

“I didn’t do it happily, Ilaaf. You know I can’t stoop this low. I was obliged to carry it out or else Uncle Qaiser would have ordered someone else to do this.”

His bloody eyes even scared the hell out of Adnan.

“I need to know what did you do, Adnan Bhatti?” Each word was thrown out to him; his hold on his collar hadn’t slackened a bit.   

“We’ve kidnapped her for few days.” Ilaaf couldn’t decide what he should do. His ears were ringing with outrage. He hadn’t thought his father would go this far. 

He pushed Adnan back with all his might and roared.

“You have degraded me not only in my eyes but in Yusuf Mairaj’s and Qandeel’s too, Adnan. I will never be able to face her. She will not even want to look at me let alone talk to me.”

“Forgive me, yar! I was forced to do that.” Adnan could plead only Ilaaf.

Ilaaf sat down and tried to control his anger. Then he remembered something.

“Where is she? Is she alright? You people didn’t hurt her, did you? And what’s her dupatta doing with you?” Adnan related to him the episode.

“You guys are sick, beasts. I shouldn’t have expected any good from you all.”

They were silent for a while.

“Think about what we are going to do next. Let go of whatever happened.” Adnan said.

“In which room you have kept her?” He asked seriously.

“In next to yours. I had thought that there will be everything of her need but---.” Ilaaf looked at him.

“She locked the door ever since she came and didn’t even open when Rishi begged her. She’s threatening of harming her if anybody tried to enter forcefully.”

“What are you talking about Adnan? She hasn’t eaten anything since evening?”

“No. In fact, nothing since morning. She didn’t take lunch in office then we brought her here and she locked the door when she came here. She hasn’t opened it yet despite of much insistence.” Ilaaf held his head in frustration. “She is such a headstrong and determined girl. I have never seen one like her; you were right, she is different from other girls. The way she made us run in whole of the ward was drove me insane.” Ilaaf didn’t comment. He was thinking.

“Ilaaf please you go to her and tell her to stop being stubborn; eat and stay here for few days and don’t create more troubles for us. I know you can do this. You are the only one she will listen to. She is not ready to listen any of us.”

How weird this test was; Adnan had the hope of him passing it when he wasn’t even eligible to attempt it. But he had to go through it. Success rates could be determined later.

“Tell Noori to bring her dinner, I am going to talk to Qandeel.”

Ilaaf first went to his room and brought first aid box. He had her dupatta in other hand. Noori brought food tray behind him.

“Stay here until I call you.”

At that moment, standing in front of that door, he could only hope for it to open.

He knocked and his heart drummed loudly on hearing Qandeel’s annoyed voice. He said all the things he thought were appropriate. His heart refused to beat when he heard the door being unlocked despite of his expectations.

He pushed the door and paused at threshold.

Standing in the middle of the room without dupatta she was looking at him. Covered with dust all over, bruises on the face, with tired eyes, she was still the most beautiful woman in this world for Ilaaf Lashari.

Ilaaf called Noori; she put the tray filled with food on centre table and left.

Ilaaf closed the door. She was still looking at him with passive face and empty eyes. He couldn’t decide what to say first. Should he apologize for his father’s behavior? Ask her to trust his love or should he tell her to eat?

He came towards her like thirst driven traveler move towards a shore. He stopped right in front of her.

She looked up to him and the expression in her eyes squeezed his heart.

Ilaaf extended her dupatta towards her. She hesitated for a second before taking it.

“I am not sure what to say to you at this moment because I don’t know whether you will believe me or not.”

She didn’t look him in the eyes this time.

“Whether I believe you or not, do say what you want to say because I need to hear it.” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing for a moment.

“Not now. First eat something, then I will dress your wounds and then we will talk if you would still want to.” Qandeel nodded. Ilaaf was surprised of her submission. He wasn’t expecting it.

She sat on sofa. Ilaaf offered her juice and sandwich, which she took willingly. Ilaaf was at ease now. Her being hungry for such long hours had bothered him. He went to veranda for fresh air. He looked back at her occasionally. She was indulged in food. Ilaaf couldn’t help smiling at her, seeing her eating like this.

It was very strange. Circumstances were worse yet the fact that she was so near to him was intoxicating him. He couldn’t know what turn conditions will take but his heart was reluctant at thinking about anything else. This moment was everything to him for now.

When she was done eating, he came inside and sat beside her on sofa. There was a wound on her forehead and a small part of her cheek was blue. 

He cleaned and dressed the wound and applied some lotion on blue mark. At the same time, he was wondering at Qandeel’s uncharacteristic behavior. She had let him sit near her and touch her without any protest.

“Are you hurt somewhere else?” She looked up at him and extended her palms.

Their eyes met when he took her hands in his. She was looking at him fixedly; there was a strange expression. Then all glitter in those eyes went off and she looked away again.

Her soft fingers felt good in his hands. At last turn of the bandage, he had an impulse to kiss her fingers but he thought better of it. Some of the desires in life cannot be acted upon; even if the person is luckiest on earth.

After first aid, he started pacing the room. He couldn’t decide how to present his dilemma. Qandeel was also silent.

“I don’t have any part in whatever happened and is still going on. In fact I am a spectator in this case.”

“I am aware of it.” She said. This jolted him.

“I am ready to confess each and every of my blunders but Baba Saayin and Dada Saayin will never let me do it. They have tied my hands.”

There was a silence for sometime. Then he saw her coming towards him. She stopped close to him.

His heart rate had never accelerated like this in his whole life. He wanted to quieten it down in case she would hear it. Her eyes contained infinite questions, desire to know innumerable things, wonderment and what not. He felt he would never be able to shake off the hold her eyes had on him.

“Do you love me?” She asked, expressionless.

“Infinite. I cannot even explain it in words nor in passion.” He answered fervently. However, it had no effect over Qandeel.

“Do you want to marry me?” This question was equally perplexing.

“Yes. Today. Now.” His fervor exceeded.

“Would you then listen to me?” He couldn’t tell why she was asking all of this.

“Yes, you just need to say it.” He couldn’t help himself then and took her hands in his.

“Say it, no; order me. You are my life, how can I refuse you.”

Qandeel looked at him silently and took her hands from him. Ilaaf watched her ardently; thinking may be she minded him holding her hands. However, it was not that. The thing she did next was very much unexpected from her. She held his face her touch was warming. He had become a statue beneath her hands.

“Those who love are not afraid of anything at all. They face every hardship zealously. If you love me then please honor me by confessing your mistake in court. I want to see you speaking truth. You don’t need to care about anything at all but me and our love.”

He was dumbfounded.

“Believe me, Ilaaf. I will ask Nauman uncle and Saqib bhai for your forgiveness, myself. I will beg them if I would need to. I will make them concede to take blood money and if they won’t agree then I will stand-by you in every trial. I will wait for you, will visit you in prison. I will entitle my whole life for you. Moreover, I will marry you the day you will come out of jail. This is a promise from Qandeel Yusuf to the man who loves her, to the man who can put aside every relation, every handicap and stand for truth.”

All blood drained from Ilaaf’s face. He looked at this innocent girl, begging him fervently, with empty eyes. She had no way of knowing that Ilaaf had already promised his father, a large price, for her life.

“You said you will go to any lengths to make me believe on your love. Now is the time to prove it, not only for me but for you as well. The entire world has turned against me, they are defaming me mercilessly and I don’t have anywhere to go now. You can clear my name with your confession; wouldn’t you do it for me?”

His gaze became hard. He was torn between giving this woman her pride and honor for the love; in return, she was giving herself to him, and in keeping her alive.

“Tell me Ilaaf, you will protect our love and me from being disgraced, no? Seek truth in the court? I am sure you will never disappoint me.” She was still holding his face--- and Ilaaf—he wanted to kiss her fingers, he wanted to cry in her arms until entire grief flowed out of him but he couldn’t do it. Not now, when she hadn’t given him this right. In addition, the condition she propounded was the reason his father was looking for to kill her. Qaiser Lashari knew what Qandeel meant for Ilaaf and he had refrained from his resolution just because Ilaaf was adamant. If Ilaaf goes to court and confesses then his father would take no time to act. The likes of them are always ready to pounce.

He wanted to disappear from there. He wanted to do anything but to answer her.

How merciless the times were. The only woman, he had ever loved, was asking something for first time and he was thinking of ways to refuse her.

“Answer me Ilaaf.”

He gently removed her hands from his face, tormented. She was waiting for him to answer.

“Forgive me Qandeel, I am helpless to fulfill your wish.” At epitome of helplessness his eyes spilled. His answer had stunned Qandeel.

He saw doubt in her eyes. She couldn’t take in the fact that Ilaaf had refused her.

“What has compelled you?” She inquired expressionlessly.

Ilaaf couldn’t think of a way to relay to her the fact that his despicable father had forgotten how to treat a woman. For him, the girl Ilaaf loved was worthless and her life was of no value.

“Baba  Saayin and Dada Saayin has threatened me that if I don’t remain silent then---.” Words choked him.

“What?” She asked

“I can’t tell you what is it but it has bound me to listen to them.”  He completed his sentence haltingly, ashamed.

Qandeel kept her eyes on him and stepped back. He was expecting some reaction but none came. She was flabbergasted.

“Leave here at once, Mr. Lashari.” Her distant tone was agonizing for him. “And kindly refrain from idle talk next time. I don’t need your empty words or your defective love. I don’t need a weak man like you. I reject your proposal right here so do not waste my or your time further.”

It was as if someone had given him goblet filled with poison and his thirst was so intense that he had to take it. It was a test of its own kind.

Ilaaf came near her. “Qandeel you can call me names, hit me, but please don’t ask me to go away.” His voice shook. “I am weak; I am a criminal of you and of many other people. Still I love you, its truer then anything else. Please don’t punish me this way. Don’t ask me to not wishing for claiming you, please don’t!”

He held her shoulders but she pushed his hands away and stepped back.

“Don’t you dare touch me! We have no relation at all. Just go away.” Her tone cold and eyes empty.

“Qandeel, at least ---”

“I SAID GO!” She bellowed.

Ilaaf felt there was a wall of strangeness between them. She had gone far from him.

He had an urge to sit near her feet and beg earnestly of her.

“If you don’t go right away then I will jump from veranda.”

Ilaaf stepped back unconsciously.

“Go away and don’t show me your face again. I will not cause any trouble for you people when I am here, just don’t try to meet me or talk to me till then.” Like a lost gambler, he stood near door, mourning over his defeat.

“And inform your dear friend too that if he tried to force me to comply then he will be responsible of outcome.” Verdict had been announced and he was left to burn in that fire, may be forever.

“Now leave!” she ordered.

He looked at his lamp one lat time hopefully and then left the room. There was only darkness left in his life. Qandeel locked the door again. He looked at the closed door; happiness and contentment had been lost on him.

(Special thanks to Noor-e-Hira Shamim for translating this post)

Chapter no. 13: The Plan (III)

Night was very dark as if all the stars had decided to never to return.

Yusuf Mairaj’s life was overcastted. The night and day become sunless when a man’s only lamp is snatched from him.

“Qandeel” He had only one word on his lips and his eyes streamed all day long. He sat with his back to the pillar, missing Qandeel all the time and praying earnestly for the safety of her life and honor.

Din Muhammad had stayed with him for some time asking to be forgiven because he had been unable to protect her. What could Yusuf Mairaj say to this old man? At this bleak hour even his sister, nephew, relatives and friends had left him alone. He could only be grateful to him that he at least tried to protect her.

He was thinking about Qandeel late in the night, where would she be, had she eaten anything? Was she safe? How these men had treated her? All these questions were cutting to his heart. He couldn’t think of any way to start looking for her. Where should he go in this metropolitan? What could he do to bring her back safely? Could he get justice in a city where her daughter was kidnapped in broad daylight? Wasn’t it easy for the likes of Qaiser Lashari to close all the doors of justice in his face? All these thoughts were making him weak with grief.

Kamran Ali had called him a little while ago but he couldn’t talk to him properly. He kept on asking what was wrong but he was unable to give his grief words. And now his heart was sinking with each passing instant.

Somebody knocked on the main door and then entered. He didn’t look up on the sound. He wasn’t interested anymore who came by and who left.

“Yusuf what is wrong with you? Are you sick again?” Hamza Shahid and Kamran Ali sat beside him. Yusuf Mairaj was cold all over, he was shaking badly so couldn’t respond to them.

“Sir, why are you sitting like this? Where is Qandeel?” Kamran Ali asked him. They both helped him to get up and brought him inside. He also brought water for him. When he started feeling better he told them what had happened.

“I was expecting such a thing from Qaiser Lashari and you too were aware of the outcome, Yusuf. This man can go to any lengths.” Hamza Shahid offered his opinion.

“I am only worried about Qandeel. I am afraid they’ll harm her, they are low people. They didn’t take pity on Saima and Ayesha even when they didn’t pose any threat to them. And Qandeel has impinged on their reputation by deciding to be a witness against them in the court. Qaiser Lashari will cross any boundary and would even kill her to safe his reputation and fame.” Yusuf Mairaj voiced his fears.

“They cannot harm Qandeel as long as Ilaaf is by her side.” Hamza Shahid tried to soothe him and Kamran Ali was shocked when he listened to this.

“This thought helps me to move forward but what if he’s in lock up and keeping him in dark, they try to----.” He couldn’t complete his sentence.

“Everything will be alright Yusuf. Allah will have mercy on us. You were aware of the results when you gave Qandeel freedom to act as she willed. Now have courage. Your daughter is brave just like her mother and you also have to face this situation courageously.” Hamza Shahid was assuring him.

For sometime they debated over what should be their next step. Both friends were of the opinion that an FIR must be lodged even if it’s not acted upon. Hamza Shahid discussed this situation with his son on the phone and felt better after the call.

“Get up Yusuf, we are going to DSP Mansoor. I have talked to Safeer and he’s also going to be there. Everything will be alright. Circumstances are not that worse that our daughter is kidnapped on a gunpoint and we stand like spectators. Inshallah, we’ll know whereabouts of Qndeel by morning.

They both helped him get ready to go outside.

Yusuf Mairaj’s cell phone started ringing when they were at the door. He looked at it uneasily. Before it rang, he had completely forgotten it.

“Check who is it calling, Yusuf. May be its about Qandeel.” Hamza Shahid made him attend the call.

It was an unknown number. The voice at other end had always proved to be a trumpet in his life.

“You are worried about your daughter, and certainly yearning to meet her. Don’t worry Yusuf, I am, like others, with you in this grief.” His laughter had ignited a fire in his entire body. “You are an intelligent and fearless person but sadly you cannot do anything to save your daughter’s life or honor. Nothing at all.” His tired nervous system couldn’t retort back to this sadist. “But don’t you worry, my friend. I have always been your buddy so I am thinking about your betterment this time too. Your daughter is safe in my men’s hands until you don’t make the mistake of lodging a complaint for her kidnap.” Yusuf Mairaj had to hold the pillar or he would have fallen, face down.

“Keep in mind Yusuf, if you prove to be as foolish as your daughter then only you will be responsible for the outcome. I have been ignoring both of you but this time if you trick me, your daughter will join her awaiting mother. Don’t even think I am unaware. I have surveillance over you and I will know if you try to go against me. You will find your daughter’s body in a dump or may be it will not be needed since you will not be able to even recognize her.”

At that moment he had regretted that why he had never learned to curse someone. Why couldn’t he silence this man by cursing him? But he felt like his tongue was stuck or he had become dumb.

“Your headstrong wife separated Omer from us and made a rebellion of him. You always encouraged her. And now your daughter is defaming you at your old age and you are a foolish man, you always listen to women and let them act. You are responsible for whatever is happening. At least I cannot sacrifice my reputation and son because of your daughter.”

He sat on the floor. All courage was sapped from his body. Hamza Shahid and Kamran Ali came to him. They knew from his reaction to who had called.

“Your persistent daughter’s life is being spared just for you, and I am giving you a candid advice, bare your daughter’s separation silently and she will be freed once case is decided or else ready yourself to dug your young daughter’s grave. Decision is in your hand” Call had been disconnected but he held the phone to his ear. Then it slipped to the floor on its own.

There was vacuity in front of him.

He looked at Hamza then Kamran and then someone else too. It was Saima. His Saima was standing behind Kamran, looking at him.

In 22 years, he had seen her roaming this place; she had always come to assuage him, to share his happiness. She had never left him alone and so she was here now.

He saw her smile. That smile was his life’s asset.

He felt he could breathe again; there was hope, light in this life to live for.

“Yusuf, talk to me. Why don’t you speak!” Hamza shook his shoulder.

And he was brought to reality. He felt courage in him.

“Nothing will harm my Qandeel.” He said.

He told them details of the call.

“These are mere threats. He can’t do any such thing.” Hamza Shahid said.

“I don’t care what these are. I only care for my Qandeel now.”

“What then---?” Kamran Ali inquired.

“I will not lodge FIR for Qandeel’s kidnap.” He told them his decision.

“But this is not the solution.” Both friends tried to convince him. But he remained firm.

“I don’t want to expect anything from that sadist. My daughter is my responsibility and if I need to be a coward to save her, then so be it.”

Then Hamza Shahid acquiesced to his decision but Kamran Ali remained against it. It was going to make no difference anyway.

Yusuf Mairaj came to his room when they had gone. He could smell a familiar perfume their.

She was there, with him; giving him strength.

Qandeel’s bag was still lying on sofa. He touched it lovingly then went for ablution and stood for prayer.

If the weakest father in this world could do anything for his helpless daughter then it was a prayer. And he was sure that no sadist dare cross that border and hurt his Qandeel.

(Special thanks to Noor-e-Hira Shamim for translating this post)