Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Chapter no. 4: Wali Daad (V)

If ever, Kamran Ali had a misunderstanding that he knows Qandeel very well, then it was a day for this misunderstanding to be proved as incorrect.

He knew that Qandeel is emotional and sensitive but she would lose her consciousness like this on Wali Daad’s death, he could never imagine.

A while ago, he had seen her being unconscious in Yousuf Mairaj’s arms; she fell onto the floor and Yousuf Mairaj holding her into his arms, sat onto the floor of the courtyard.

Kamran Ali, himself became unnerved on this situation but was surprised when he could not see the agitation and worries on Yousuf Mairaj’s face which should be seen.

“Kamran, call Dr. Lodhi. Tell him that Qandeel is not well so he should come immediately.” Qandeel was taken inside. Yousuf Mairaj instructed him while going inside.

He didn’t feel much worries reflecting from the tone of Yousuf Mairaj and this thing had made him more confused.

He knew that Yousuf Mairaj loves Qandeel so much therefore this reaction of his on this state of Qandeel, was surprising for Kamran Ali.

Dr. Lodhi was an old friend of Yousuf Mairaj and his doctor also. Kamran Ali knew him because during last few years he used to meet Dr. Lodhi for the treatment of Yousuf Mairaj.

He called Dr. Lodhi and told him about the condition of Qandeel. Dr. Lodhi said that he will reach till half an hour.

He came inside the room after it.

She was lying on the bed and the rest of the three were around her.

Yousuf Mairaj was sitting besides her, combing her hairs with one hand while holding her hand with his other hand.

She was unconscious but looked like sleeping.

Kamran Ali also sat.

Dr. Lodhi came before half an hour.

He checked the blood pressure of Qandeel first of all. His satisfaction also confused Kamran Ali; he even didn’t ask that what has happened to Qandeel, just asked that from how much time she is in this state, then he started checking her B.P being very satisfied. Then he gave an injection to Qandeel and collected his stuff.

Maryam and Ghani were inside.

Dr. Lodhi came outside along with Kamran Ali and Yousuf Mairaj.

“Everything is fine. Qandeel will wake up after a while, see everything yourself then.” Dr. Lodhi said coming outside.

“What has happened with Qandeel, Dr. Sahib?” Kamran Ali finally asked.

Dr. Lodhi gazed Kamran Ali with a surprising look.

“It’s better that you ask this question from your teacher. I am tired to explain him again and again that for his daughter’s better future and health, should take her to England once. There is only one doctor who is in England and who knows about this disorder and can provide some help, otherwise medical history has no knowledge about this disorder. None of the doctors of the world could understand this disorder. Dr. Scott is the only doctor who has worked on this disorder a little and just due to that limited knowledge I was able to diagnose the disorder otherwise perhaps I could never be able to understand that Qandeel is suffering with Complex Neurotic Disorder (CND).” It was a day of surprises for Kamran Ali; he could not say anything for a moment, then he looked towards Yousuf Mairaj.

“What’s this all, Sir? Why did you keep me uninformed about this reality?”

“What could happen by telling you? Nobody can do anything for Qandeel.” Yousuf Mairaj had tiredness in his tone.

“What’s wrong if we try once, Yousuf. You should try at least for one time just for the sake of your daughter.” Dr. Lodhi said.

“You won’t understand, Usman. You can’t understand and even I can’t explain it to you.” Kamran Ali felt his tone was very strange.

Dr. Usman Lodhi jerked his shoulders, taking a deep breath turned to go. Kamran Ali came with him to the car.

“Can you tell me some details about this disorder, doctor?” Kamran Ali asked.

“This disorder is found in one among millions therefore not much work has been done related to the disorder in medical science and so no specific cure has been discovered. Some people after looking its initial symptoms consider it as Panic Attack but it’s different. In this disorder, person as a reaction of a sudden accident mentally paralyses for a short period of time. A wave of emotions controls his nerves completely. Person starts thinking whatever is his emotional condition, as a result person’s mind becomes impaired and the person goes into a state of unconsciousness. Same happens with Qandeel, she is very sensitive and emotional; whenever feels something very deeply then her emotional conditional becomes unusual. Sometimes, she becomes quiet and sometimes cries like a child. Becoming unconscious and when wakes up after it then reacts totally opposite to the initial state. If initially she was quiet then now starts crying and if initially was crying then now will be quiet. Second time she does not go into state of unconsciousness instead one has to pat her to induce sleep, has to talk to her and then when she wakes up again, then is quite normal. The disorder always has some changes during different periods of age but in the case of Qandeel, during last few years, I haven’t seen any change at all.”

“Does Qandeel know everything about her state or she remains unaware?”

“Qandeel feels everything and she is aware of her state and this disorder but she is just like her father. She also doesn’t consider the disorder dangerous; even I don’t consider it dangerous because Neurotic attack lasts for a very short period of time and physically it didn’t harm Qandeel at all, if harmed spiritually then I can’t say anything about that. Anyway, I think that for Qandeel’s better future its necessary for her to go England once and get the proper check-up. She is engaged and this disorder could be problematic for her after marriage but I can just advice and nothing else.”

He sat in the car, smiling.

Kamran Ali returned back; met Maryam and Ghani on the door; they were also going.

“Yousuf Uncle is satisfied now. I will come tomorrow, sir to see Qandeel. Inform me whatever will be the situation.” Kamran Ali shook his head positively and then shook his hand with Ghani.

“I will also visit tomorrow; right now going to office to observe the whole situation. Wali Daad’s body has been sent to Nawab Shah, let’s see what happens?”

Kamran Ali shut the door behind him and then looked Yousuf Mairaj.

He was sitting in the veranda; tilting his back with the pillar was deeply thinking something.

Kamran Ali came and sat besides him. Yousuf Mairaj looked him.

“I just kept thinking that there is not a single side of Qandeel’s life with which I am not aware but I was wrong. You and Qandeel hid such a big reality for so many years. I could never imagine that Qandeel would suffer with a disorder like this and you, who share each and everything about Qandeel with me, would not tell me about the disorder.” He was complaining.

“I am embarrassed, Kamran but the truth is that Qandeel strictly prohibited me to tell you. She didn’t want to bother you.” His tone had tiredness.

“I am even bothered now, sir. Whatever Dr. Lodhi had told me about this disorder, is enough to bother me.”

“Don’t be worry, Kamran. Thanks to Allah that this disorder has not harmed Qandeel at all.”

“But it can, sir. Why are you taking this issue so easy? Dr. Lodhi was saying that Qandeel should once go to England and……” Yousuf Mairaj interrupted him.

“Usman always keeps explaining me, never tries to understand that the problem that is with Qandeel, would not be understood even by Dr. Scott. Going England would be worthless, Kamran.” His tone was mysterious.

“What’s that problem which even could not be understood by Dr. Scott?” He could not be satisfied without knowing the whole matter.

There was silence for few minutes, and then he heard Yousuf Mairaj saying.

“Qandeel has got this disorder as a heritage from Saima.” Kamran Ali jerked with a surprise. “Saima was suffering with this disorder since childhood. When I met her, she used to live her life with this disorder. She had left to visit doctors as neither they could diagnose the problem nor could provide any cure. She told me everything before marriage; my Love had not anything to do with it, so we accepted each other with qualities and weaknesses and she became a part of my life with this disorder.” Yousuf Mairaj stopped to take breath. Kamran Ali was silent.

“She used to say and wish that may this disorder would not transfer to her kids. Sometimes this condition of hers had bothered her and then she used to think like this. I got some problems initially then I was used to it, I was able to control her easily and this disorder never had been felt unpleasant by me. Then when she went to Lahore last time, suddenly things became changed. Saima’s mother was ill; she had gone to meet her. She lived there for some time, then after her mother’s death came back to Karachi. Shama insisted a lot that she should go to Islamabad along with her but don’t know why Saima had become so stubborn those days. She simply refused to go Islamabad and came back but was slightly changed; being very silent and less talkative; used to cry on very little things. I asked a lot but she used to change the topic every time. Five years had been passed and still we didn’t have the blessing of kids but were satisfied with God’s will. Don’t know why those days, Saima was having this sense of deprivation very much.”

He was flowing in a wave of memories. Kamran Ali looked reflection of Saima moving into his eyes in the form of water.

“Omer was not in Karachi those days. His posting was settled in Kargil. Saima used to write him letters. Both of them used to write letters to each other. Perhaps whatever Saima could not share with me, she shared it with Omer that’s why Omer applied for Karachi posting and after few months he was sent to Karachi.” Yousuf Mairaj looked him for a moment.

“You know na Omer, Kamran. Perhaps you also had met him once or twice.” He shook his head positively.

“Yes, sir. I remember I had met with Omer once. Omer Laashari, son of Aadil Laashari who was one of the favorite students of Saima. Saima had introduced him to me in words like this.” Yousuf Mairaj breathed deeply.

“Yes, he was a very strange guy. Saima had never taught him anything formally but he used to proudly call himself the student of Saima. Sometimes I had felt that he knows Saima more than me, and then perhaps I was jealous to him for some time. Though Saima had loved me too much but she had a very strange relationship with Omer. When he got his posting in Karachi, started visiting us almost every day due to which Saima was back in her usual behavior and attitude. This was satisfactory for me as he had become a good friend of mine during last five years. The guy had a strange attraction for others; it was not possible for anyone to be unconcerned to him more than some time; he had attracted everyone towards him; heart wanted to love him. Initially Saima and later on I had a great affection for him.” Kamran Ali was hearing with interest.

“Omer had said to Saima one day that ‘Miss, you will have a daughter who would be just like you, her each habit would be like you. Just keep her name Qandeel, I like this name very much. If you will call your daughter with this name, I will be very pleased.’ Saima and I kept laughing for a while on his words. Then he went to Battal Sector and was martyred there. Saima remembered him; used to talk to me about him for hours.” Small and tiny, two drops slipped on his cheek from the corner end of eye lashes.

“Then, Saima came to know that she is going to have a baby. I had never seen her so happy and satisfied in her life. Saima had belief that we will have a daughter who would be just like her, in habits, in nature. She had a complete trust that Omer’s words will be fulfilled and therefore, for the first time in life she asked for something to me. She took a vow to me that if this disorder transfers into her daughter then I will never consider it as bothering or worrying for me. I took the vow; could not refuse to fulfill her very first thing that she asked to me. And then our daughter was born and we kept her name Qandeel; fulfilled Omer’s wish.” Kamran Ali had breathed deeply; he came to know about many things for the first time today specially the relationship between Saima Yousuf and Omer Laashari which could be considered as strange for anyone to know.

“Does Qandeel know about Omer?” He asked.

Yousuf Mairaj shook his head negatively.

“Neither Qandeel knows anything about Omer nor does she have much knowledge about the family of Saima. Shama is the only one who as her Khaala(Mother’s sister) is the only relation for her in her mother’s family, doesn’t know much about the other relations. Saima had asked to do so.” Kamran Ali bent down his head; he was confused.

“I can’t forget that night, Kamran. It was mine and Saima’s last meeting; I didn’t know that otherwise I would have seen her enough, would have talked to her enough. I also had much to say to her but couldn’t. She kept saying and I kept hearing. And then she fell asleep; was tired to keep struggling with life in a very young age therefore took a deep, everlasting and peaceful sleep and before sleeping she just said one thing to me.” His voice was shivering; tears were shedding continuously.

“She said: Yousuf! Distance doesn’t matter in Love. Whether I am near to you or not, I will be with you forever; will shine in your smile, will giggle in your laugh, your eyes will have my reflection and in your life at each and every place, in happiness and sorrow, every moment you will find me with you.” He was wiping the tears shining on his cheek.

There was silence for few moments. Kamran Ali could not say anything.

Then Yousuf Mairaj started saying again.

“She had said the truth. She is with me even today, at each and every place, like my courage my belief. It was just her love due to which I never let Qandeel to feel that she has lost her mother; didn’t create any gap in her personality; made her like what her mother wanted to make her; given her guidance where necessary and left the decisions on her own whenever there was a need. And therefore Qandeel is now capable enough to see and analyze the life herself and to make her decisions on her own.” He was normal gain.

“I have few other questions as well in my mind which are confusing me, sir due to what I have heard from you.” Yousuf Mairaj looked him.

“I would not be able to answer your single question right now, Kamran. It’s better if you don’t ask any question; instead ask these questions to Hamza, I am sure Hamza will have answers for all of your questions. He knew about Omer and Saima’s relation better than me infact he knew Omer personally very well. I am so old now; don’t remember much old things very well.” He was tired.

Kamran Ali didn’t feel to say anything in reply.

He had stood and just then he had felt that there is a third person there who is standing behind him.

He turned his back. It was Qandeel who had just come outside her room.

“Qandeel.” Kamran Ali looked her surprisingly.

Yousuf Mairaj also stood, “Qandeel, when did you wake up?”

Qandeel gazed both of them for a moment. Her eyes were not empty as they were earlier; they had a shining of familiarity.

She moved and walking in between of them tried to go towards courtyard.

Kamran Ali held her wrist. She turned back and looked him.

“Leave my hand, sir. I have to go to meet Wali Daad.” Her voice was normal but the tone was different.

“Qandeel, my dear daughter, you can’t go anywhere right now. You need a proper rest.” Yousuf Mairaj grasped her shoulders with both hands.

Kamran Ali had left her wrist.

“No Baba, I will go to meet Wali Daad. I have to talk to him. He is on hunger-strike. If he wouldn’t eat anything then will die. If he will die then how would he get back his land?” She slithered and tried to get rid of Yousuf Mairaj’s hold but Yousuf Mairaj was not handling a situation like this for the first time; he knew what he has to do.

Qandeel raised her right hand towards the door and started requesting like an innocent and younger kid.

“Baba please let me go. Let me go. Wali Daad is dying. I have to save him.” Tears were shedding from her eyes; she was appealing and crying.

“No Qandeel, it’s worthless. Wali Daad has been died. What would you do there? They have taken his body to Nawab Shah for burial. Tonight is his funeral. Wali Daad has been died, Qandeel. Wali Daad has been died.” Yousuf Mairaj embraced her with his chest.

Kamran Ali had never seen Qandeel appealing and crying like this. He was observing each and every symptom in front of him, what Dr. Lodhi had told him.

“Baba, please save Wali Daad. He is on hunger-strike. He is dying, please save him.” She had kept her head on Yousuf Mairaj’s shoulder and was continuously repeating the same sentences.

Yousuf Mairaj took her into his arms and started tapping her head with soft hands.

“Everything will be alright, Qandeel. Everything will be alright. Allah will make things better. He always does better for man. Don’t cry, you are a good daughter. You are not stubborn; always accepted Baba’s decision. Let’s go inside.” She was not requesting now, just crying.

Yousuf Mairaj brought her inside, embracing her with his chest. Kamran Ali was at the back.

She was not crying now, just was sobbing.

Yousuf Mairaj helped her to get onto bed and still was tapping her head sitting besides her.

“Everything will be alright, daughter. Don’t worry.” Her sobbing was getting less; eyes were closed and in a while she started taking deep breaths. After few minutes, she fell asleep again.

Kamran Ali came outside along with Yousuf Mairaj.

“Today, I was not with Qandeel therefore she has got a serious attack, otherwise in these situations as soon as I feel her condition I use to embrace her with my chest and to assure her, to talk to her unless she starts crying and acting like normal persons. In other case she always has this condition.” Kamran Ali had taken a deep breath.

“Does Sami know about this disorder, Qandeel is suffering with or he is unaware?”

“He knows everything. I and Qandeel didn’t want to keep him unaware so we told him. Even then he wants to continue this relationship and therefore he strictly forbidened me and Qandeel not to tell this all to Saleha Aapa although we wanted to tell her too. He said that if she knew all this before marriage then she would never be agree to continue the engagement; will see then and there.” Kamran Ali shook his head positively.

“Sir, I am going home; will be back after explaining the whole situation to Aaliya. And I will be here with you until Qandeel is perfectly alright.” Saying in a rush, he moved towards the courtyard.

“Kamran.” He turned back on hearing Yousuf Mairaj’s call and looked him, “You are my student. I know you very well. Whether you ask me or not these questions will remain in your mind. It is true that I have told you few things today what I have never told anyone else before but it is also a reality that to answer your questions is not possible for me. It’s better that you wait.” Kamran Ali smiled.

“With the passage of time, you will get answers for all of your questions. Time disentangles each and every tangle, solves each and every mystery, and answers each and every question.” Yousuf Mairaj had something mysterious in his tone, he could not name it.


  1. CND can make the character of Qandeel more than interesting as sometimes people with this disorder can possess psychic powers, extreme imaginative skills and of course an alternate insight to things like schizophrenics. Good twist in the story!

  2. Sir Akhtar, thank you for reading and commenting. And yes, this disorder will have a great effect on Qandeel's attitude, behavior and imagination even on dreams later on.

  3. Interesting.. Want to know more about Saima.. and about this disorder as well :D, you know why..!

    The symptoms of CND are actually very very close to Panic or GA Disorder because in this disorder as well one can reach to the stage where he/she starts having schizophrenic thoughts..

  4. Komal, thank you for reading and yes I guess I know why do you want to know more about Saima :D

  5. Hmmm very interesting indeed, you have established all of your characters very well, sometimes reader need more insight on certain characters to understand or analyze others (I want to know her mother's character more). As a reader I expect some extra-ordinary qualities (may be super qualities) in the character of Qindeel as the novel progresses. Would you be able to keep readers engaged and interested in the character with disorder? I would wait for it.

  6. Sir Peerless, thank you very much for reading and commenting. I would like to know about your comments and you to give the answer of your question as the novel progresses.

    Thanks again.

  7. ab ye Omer kahan se agya! :o I got more surprised after knowing his story :D

    So for me, there are 2 twists in this post. If Omer was an ordinary student, things had different meaning. But as there is more mystery involved in his character, i am assuming he is an important character, who had a great impact on Saima's disorder, the problem which can't be treated(impacted)

    I imagined those tears in Yousuf Mairaj's eyes :). Beautifully expressed!

    i've "many" questions. As usual i'll have to wait :D and this time u've already commented on this statement in last paragraph of the post! :p

  8. riz, thank you for reading and commenting. And yes you are right, the character of Omer is as important as Saima's and as soon as you will know about Saima, you would know about him also.