Thursday, July 14, 2011

Chapter no. 10: The Incident (III)

Ilaaf couldn’t decide that moment that where should they go and talk, so he kept driving the car. Then at some place Qandeel herself asked Ilaaf to stop the car, perhaps she had an idea that Ilaaf didn’t remember anything except her that moment so he could decide where to stay.

That was a famous Museum of the city, there was a garden outside the main building and besides the garden there was a restaurant as well.

Ilaaf parked the car and they came inside. Keeping a distance, they kept walking on the grass, but Ilaaf couldn’t say anything especial and they had a little causal conversation. Whenever he used to look at Qandeel, he had forgotten everything around, he was still feeling like this is a very beautiful dream in which he is so close to Qandeel and can see her without any hindrance or resistance.

Then they were seated on a bench.

Ilaaf turned his head and looked Qandeel. She was looking at the stagnant water of the small lake at some distance. Her untied hairs were taking flight with the air; she had the same peaceful silence on her face as usual. She was as usual wearing a black dress; perhaps she had liked the black color. She had the same silver chain around her neck and….her stole which was well settled on her both shoulders, now was slipping due to current of air.

He was looking her, when suddenly Qandeel turned her head and looked him.

Ilaaf got puzzled and started looking straight.

Perhaps Qandeel smiled.

“Have we come here to enjoy the fresh air of the park or do we have anything to talk, Ilaaf?” Ilaaf felt like she had a little wittiness in her tone.

“Can we talk after some time? Right now, I want to live in this moment.” He replied looking Qandeel.

“Every moment of life is to be lived, Ilaaf.”

“My life and every way of life is now associated to you, Qandeel, therefore I want to live this moment when you are with me.” Qandeel had surprise in her eyes; perhaps she was not expecting this answer.

“I would not be able to tell you ever that what you are for me, Qandeel? If I tell you then perhaps you won’t believe but this is the biggest truth of the life that, to wish to live without Qandeel Yousuf, for me is just like as a thirsty would desire to live without water. When you are near then I am able to see everything around clear, you are not with me then everything in front of my eye will get blurred. Your voice is the sound of life for me and your smile is the desire of life for me.” Qandeel moved her head down, she kept hearing Ilaaf silently. Ilaaf kept saying.

“You are the dream of my eyes, I sleep to see that dream, you are the view of my sight which keeps the world of my imagination beautiful, you are the tune on which my soul starts dancing, you are a mirror in which each and every reflection is very clear for me, you have kept your feet on the dry earth of my heart like the first drop of rain. Now my each and every breath and desire to take breath is only associated to you, and I can’t do anything; can not stop myself loving you and coming towards you.” Ilaaf kept saying looking her and just then he looked, Qandeel had changed the direction of her eyes. Perhaps she didn’t want to have an eye contact with Ilaaf, why didn’t she want to, he couldn’t know.

“Wouldn’t you say anything, in reply?” Ilaaf asked.

“I am not able to say anything, I am very confused right now.” She was all time straight forward. “You say, whatever you want to say, I am hearing.”

“No, not now. Would say after a while. I don’t want to make you worried, know it very well that perhaps before today neither you would have ever heard these words from anyone nor would read in any book.” Qandeel just looked him for a moment then again started looking straight.

“I am neither worried nor surprised, I am just thinking, am looking and feeling. But yes this is true that neither I have heard these words from anyone before nor have read in any book.”

“I know, this would be felt by you very strange, but the truth is that few days ago it was stranger for me as it is for you, not now because now I feel each and everything like an obligatory part of my life. To love you like this, thinking about you, asking you to God, calling your name in my prays and dreams, to feel you every moment with me despite of the fact that you are not, to search your face in each face I see, to hear the tone of your voice in every voice I hear, to sense your fragrance in my each breath, everything looks good, I am now used to with this course.” Qandeel turned her head and looked him.

“This lunacy can harm both of us, Ilaaf.” For a moment Ilaaf had seen a shade of fear in her eyes.

“Do you think it is like that?”


“Ask your heart, does it think the same?”

“Heart is quiet.”

“Because your heart trusts me, and you don’t. Just for one time trust me like your heart does. If this lunacy would harm anyone then it would only be me, I will never let it to harm you in any case. You are my life, Qandeel, and I can never let my lunacy to harm my life.” Qandeel had just kept looking his face.

Ilaaf rose.

“Let’s go inside and have a cup of coffee, will talk about it later.” He didn’t want to seize her in further surprise.

Both of them came inside the restaurant.

Ilaaf asked the waiter to bring the coffee. Qandeel was sitting like she was not there and somewhere else.

For a moment he got angry on himself. He had made that innocent girl to be worried due to his lunacy.

“Qandeel…” Ilaaf called her name.

“Hmmmm” She was still lost somewhere else.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.” She now straightened herself.


“So, what do you want to say?” She looked Ilaaf.

“Do you want to hear?” Ilaaf asked with surprise.

“Yes.” She had a peace in her tone.

Ilaaf smiled unwillingly. She wanted to hear him, what could be more pleasurable for him in this world.

“I love you, Qandeel, and I want to marry you.” Bringing his desire out didn’t know why his heart had just jumped up into his throat.

Qandeel kept looking him, with the same peaceful face. Ilaaf was surprised; she was no doubt an indifferent girl. Unlike the other girls, neither she had the impressions of anger nor of joy or emotions on her face.

“Do you know that I am already engaged?”

“Yes, Rohail told me about that.” He answered in a weakened tone.

“Then, do you think that I would think about your proposal and should I?” She asked.

“I don’t know that either it is right or wrong, but I think that if you don’t love Sami then you should at least think about my proposal once.” He didn’t want to waste a single moment.

Qandeel went silent. Ilaaf asked again.

“Do you love Sami?” And while saying, he had a strange fear in his tone. Qandeel looked into his eyes then moved her head down.

“Perhaps no.” She answered in a lowered tone.

“Then should I expect that you would think about my proposal?” Many lamps of hope were quenching and flaming inside Ilaaf that moment.

“You have made me to think about it, Ilaaf.” She never used to lie, and therefore for a moment like he had got the hope of a shady tree in a scorching desert. The hope which Qandeel had given to him with this one sentence, that was very important for his life.

“You are very kind, Qandeel.” He said involuntarily and due to which Qandeel suddenly laughed.

And looking her laughing like this, as usual Ilaaf couldn’t blink his eyes.

“This is just what you think; I am not at all kind. You don’t know me and that’s why saying like this.”

“How much I know you, that’s enough for me.”

“I have more weaknesses and less strengths.”

“I love your each and every weakness and I want to own you with all your weaknesses.”

For a moment Qandeel couldn’t answer then she had said.

“I am very much stubborn, and when I am angry I am too much arrogant and I can say anything to anyone in anger. Not now but later on you will be getting angry on these weaknesses of mine.”

“I will never get angry. I love your stubbornness, your anger and your arrogant behavior in a same way I love this other soft part of your personality.” He felt his tone was very firm. Qandeel perhaps was surprised.

“But even then I want you to think about it once again before taking a final decision. Marriage is a decision which should not be taken in hurry.”

“I don’t want to think about it anymore, your love is guarding my each and every thought, Qandeel.”

Qandeel opened her mouth to say something then went quiet because waiter had come and was serving the coffee.

“Alright, if you don’t want to think then it is your decision; I have to think a lot. I have much preservation.” She said once waiter went away.

“I am ready to answer all preservations, just give me a chance.”

For a while there was silence, then Qandeel had said.

“I can never marry such a man, who can not take a single step in life without the support of his father and grandfather, who has never earned a single rupee on his own, using his own ability and hard work.”

“If this is the case then I promise you that I will establish myself on my own before the marriage. I will make myself able to fulfill all needs of life of both of us using my own ability and hard work, and if I could not do it then you will have complete authority to refuse to marry me. I am an architect, and can design buildings, I am an artist, and can make paintings. I have qualification as well as skills, and I have potential to live a selfmaid and respectful life. As far as the wealth and property given by Baba and Daada Saaiyen concerns then I have already decided that I will use that wealth to……” He stopped saying something, perhaps it was not the right time to say such a thing, and he had not to say this.

“You will use that wealth to………?” Qandeel asked with an interest.

“Is it necessary to tell this now?” Ilaaf asked.

“Yes, I want to know that what you will do with the property and wealth that you have got in the heritage.”

“I will give the key of that wealth in your hands, you will be able to use that wealth in which way you want to use it for the welfare of the society. Once Rohail told me that you take part in welfare work with some students of University, I had decided that moment that you are the only one who could be able to utilize my wealth and money in a best way.” This time Qandeel was badly surprised, then she somehow overcomed that surprise and said.

“Do you know, it would be very difficult? The political family with which you belong, it would be unacceptable for that. People would not let us to do something good. And the greatest resistance you would face from your Baba, Daada and their party. Despite of being associated with this kind of political system, to take such a step and then standing with it is always very difficult.” She was intelligent, and had a great idea about the problems of Ilaaf.

“You are exactly right, but if the power of your love would be with me then I am sure I would be able to pass each test successfully. I will face each and every difficulty smiling if you would be with me because if you would be with me then looking you I will get contentment that would be strength, Qandeel, and will enhance my courage. If the faith of your love will be my support then despite of being associated to this system, I will make possible whatever both of us want to do for this world.” Qandeel looked him with strange sight.

“Do you know what I want to do for this world?”

“I know.”

“What do you know?” She looked him with a questioning sight.

“When there was not your love in my life then I was very senseless, nothing could be able to affect me and now…….I feel each and every incident whether good or bad around me very intensively, I was never so much sensitive before. You know, now I like every man around, I feel everyone is beautiful. Moon and stars seem to be my friend; the light of the sun is felt like a blessing. Strange desires appear inside my heart, I wish to see love everywhere in the world, to see happiness everywhere, to see people laughing, smiles on all faces and all around… see the raining of Love.” He looked the face of Qandeel went white.

“What happened? Have I said something wrong? Didn’t you want to see the world like this?”

“You didn’t say anything wrong; each and every word is a truth. I want to spread love in the world.” She had said under an impression.

“Are you surprised?”


“For what?”

“I never told this to anyone, not even to Baba that what I think about the world, how I want it to look and make. Am just surprised that how did you know this all……?” She had a doubt in her tone.

“Your love told me.” Ilaaf answered smiling.

Qandeel was quiet, and had fixed her sight over the cup of the coffee. She was thinking.

“I need some time to think, Ilaaf.”

“I can wait my entire life, Qandeel, but before taking any decision, just think once that my life is now related to you, each way comes towards you. If you would not be in my life then there would be darkness everywhere and I would not be able to move a single step in that darkness. You are the light of my eyes, you are the qandeel of my way in dark nights, and I am nothing without you.” Ilaaf felt his voice was quenched in the throat due to the intensity of emotions.

Qandeel bent her head down.

“You won’t have to wait much. I will take decision soon.”

For a while, both of them kept sitting silently, then Ilaaf paid the bill and both of them came out one after the other.

Sun was not set, but was about to set.

Once again they sat on a bench in the park, and just then Ilaaf had thought something.

“Are not you fond of jewellary? I have seen you wearing no jewellary except this silver chain.”

Qandeel turned her head and looked him.

“No, I am not much fond of jewellary. Sometimes when see something likable then I wear it.”

“How do you like gold?”

“I hate gold.”


“I like silver.”

“And platinum?”

For a moment Qandeel couldn’t answer.

“That’s also nice.” She replied carelessly.

Ilaaf smiled. That moment on a harmless desire that was suddenly appeared inside his heart, he felt laughing. Once again there was silence.

Then Qandeel turned her head and looked him.

“Roahil told me that you sing very well.”

“Don’t sing better than you, just used to sing sometimes. Rohail just praises without any reson.”

“I want to listen, Ilaaf.”

“Now….?” Ilaaf asked surprisingly.

“Yes, is there any problem in singing right now?”

“I haven’t guitar.”

“Doesn’t matter, will listen with guitar some other time. Just sing something without guitar.”

For a while Ilaaf kept thinking then he remembered the poem which he just sung in the village one day while playing guitar.

“Ye zindagi ik arzoo hai

Ye zindagi ik justuju hai”

Qandeel smiled.

“Na dil ki khabar, na apna pata

Tujhey chor ker, men jaoon kahan

Ho manzil koi, koi rasta

Teri raahguzar, hai mera jahan

Her ik saans men, teri khushboo hai

Ye zindagi ik arzoo hai

Ye zindagi ik justuju hai”

He was feeling very nice singing like this while looking Qandeel. A pray was just fulfilled, he was saying to Qandeel everything that he couldn’t say yet and Qandeel….she was enjoying. Tilting her back with the bench and keeping her hands in her lap she was hearing the song with full concentration.

The sunset of the evening was never felt so beautiful to Ilaaf and she…..who was sitting besides him, that moment all beauty present around him was just because of her. Her hairs were taking flight and the heartbeat of Ilaaf was getting faster.

“Hai ik iltija, jo sun ley khuda

Tera sath hee, meri her duaa

Terey sang chaloon, men ban ker hawa

Key tujh men jiyoon, men ban ker nida

Ye ik khwaab hee, merey roobaroo hai

Ye zindagi ik arzoo hai

Ye zindagi ik justuju hai”

He went quiet. Qandeel was smiling.

“Rohail doesn’t exaggerate. You sing very well.” He heard Qandeel saying.

He smiled in reply.

“Now let’s go home. We are getting late.” Qandeel said.

If he could do something then would have never allowed her to go away, but he knew they had really got late and Yousuf Mairaj was waiting for Qandeel.

Both of them came out and moved towards the car.

Throughout on the way, there was silence, and how pleasant that silence was. It was not an illusion. Qandeel Yousuf was sitting besides him in his car and today he had seen her for many hours, had talked to her a lot, even then he felt there was something left.

Qandeel’s home was near when he heard Qandeel saying.

“Ilaaf, do you smoke?” Perhaps during the whole time, first time Qandeel had seen the cigarette pack kept over the dashboard. She was surprised.

Ilaaf got embarrassed.

“Yes.” He couldn’t tell lies.

“You know, I extremely hate smokers.” He turned her head and looked Qandeel. She had anger on her face.

“Will leave it.” He said.

“Don’t say, will leave it, just say, have left, now and this moment.” Qandeel asked in a determined tone.

“I have left, now and this moment. After this day, my name would be eliminated from the list of smokers.” He had followed the order. He felt nice, Qandeel showing her right and ordering.

She smiled.

He had stopped the car outside the street when Qandeel asked to.

“Please don’t tell anyone about this meeting, not even to Rohail.” Qandeel had said. Perhaps she was bit careful.

“Alright, won’t tell anyone.” Ilaaf didn’t feel to ask the reason. “But do I have the right to ask that when we would meet again? And that can I get your mobile number?”

Qandeel smiled.

“You will get the number on one condition that you won’t call or send messages unnecessarily, and next meeting……would be held soon. You don’t worry.” He got satisfied.

“The condition is accepted; I won’t call or message you unnecessarily, and will wait for the next meeting.” Both of them exchanged their numbers.

Then Qandeel opened the door, just then Ilaaf said.

“I have a complete faith on my love, Qandeel, and I am sure that one day this love will melt you.” He had seen something strange shining on the face of Qandeel.

“Allah Hafiz.” She got down immediately and went inside the street and Ilaaf……he felt like he was suddenly awakened from a beautiful dream.

But how important this dream like reality was for him, someone could have asked to him. Nature will be so kind he had not a little idea before, just a day before the girl whom looking was seemed impossible, today he had spend several hours with the same girl and no doubt those moments were the most beautiful moments of his life.

He started the engine. How happy he was and how peaceful, he had never experienced such a peace in his entire life before. What marvel Love shows, he was surprised on himself, he found himself very different, love had changed him much in just a single moment.

Turning the car towards the main road he had taken a deep breath and just then he felt that the fragrance of Qandeel was still present in his car. He drew in that fragarance in his breath smiling.


  1. How love transforms a person is what this part is all about. Ilaaf speaks but it is poetry, Ilaaf thinks but the imagery is like a painting and when he decides to act he surprises Qandeel by telling her that he can just spend his whole fortune for the betterment of this world which now has a different meaning for him. Love had changed him in such a manner that now whole world just seems like a beloved. This meeting between Ilaaf and Qandeel was narrated beautifully and sensitively.

  2. Sorry to be away so so long...and when I think of returning - your story is WAY at the top of my list.

    Now, in my top ten MUST DOS is to take out several days to READ your beautiful novel from start to finish and then to establish a writer's group in my own town.

    The FIRST requirement will be to READ your novel and to respond. (The other group was so large & I have no say over that one.)

    Plz don't take your novel down anytime soon...but I do believe you're already ready to ask publication advice...someone there at RR could probably help?

    Dar's comment as usual has to do with the universal endless deathless all-nurturing value of REAL love as experienced spiritually...YET affecting all in the material world we see as well...esp. perhaps relationships?

  3. Sir Akhtar, thank you for reading and liking, and yes it is true that how Love has transformed Ilaaf, it is even very surprising for me.

  4. Connie, thank you for coming and yes I am very eager to know your views once you read the story from start till now.

    I have not decided much about the publication yet, will think about it.

    And yes, Sir Akhtar' comments are as usual beautiful with universal experiences of the Love and which enhance the beauty of each part of my novel.