Chapter no. 7: Desire or Lust (IV)

If it was Love then the first time in life, Ilaaf had an idea that what actually Love is? Why from the beginning till the present day, Love was given the highest rank in every era of history, why the writers had blackened the pages of thousands and millions of books just to write about Love and why in all of those books, despite of having similar patterns something was different and unique due to which they had got the attention of the readers at every period of time, why despite of the fact that more or less every Love story was similar to others, each one of them looks new and even today they had kept attracting the readers? Why all encomiums that are being written in the praise of beloved, despite of having exaggeration and artificiality, looks to be near the reality. Somewhere there was a reason, there was a reality so that even today the poets, novelists, short-story writers, dramatists of the world, were grasped by an enclosure of the Love and in literature the most of the work was going on the same topic. And perhaps…….the reason was that in this world every human being, somewhere in his life starts to consider himself as a fictitious character of a love story, starts to feel the changes very intensively that are brought by the Love in his life and so he starts believing all those love stories and hence, there a person is added in the list of those who believe on the existence of Love. Every departing day, every departing moment is going to increase this number.

Whether the fire of hatred would be spread in the whole world, whether thousands of bodies would be burning every moment in the war of weapon, blood and ego, whether in the sacrifice for personal benefits, number of lovers would be losing their lives, the total number of lovers in the world will never be lessen. The word “Love” will never be disappeared from the world, because in order to wipe the love from the world, firstly, one will have to remove this seed which is sown in the hearts just with a gaze of someone, with a smile of someone and like a completely grown tree, extends its roots from heart to soul within a short span. And this seed can only be removed from the world when the Sun will stop giving its light and heat, moon will leave appearing on the sky along with the shining stars in the dark nights, when the flowers will refuse to appear on the flower-buds in spring and the dry leaves will refuse to drop from the trees in autumn. When the lake will refuse to fall in river and river in the sea, when the drops of rain will refuse to satisfy the thirst of the earth, when the innocent kids will leave laughing and the mothers will leave smiling on their laughters then perhaps this seed will be removed from the world but till now, neither a such day has been risen in the world history nor has come any night like this, that’s why this question that Love can be vanished from the world or not, and the discussion on this question is just a ridiculous thing.

Slowly and gradually, Ilaaf was also going to be included in the list of people who believe Love. It was restlessness, an agitation and the emptiness which was settled inside him permanently. Even today, after eight days the state of his lunacy was the same as it was eight days before when he had seen Qandeel in the hospital. When he used to close his eyes, her face; when he used to open his eyes, her eyes; thoughts about her every moment, wish to see her, aspiration to hear her voice, desire to be with her, Ilaaf wasn’t able to decide what to do? Neither he had cared about days nor nights; hours being passed and he used to sit at the same place thinking about her. When will be able to see Qandeel? When could be able to talk to her? When would be able to hear her voice, her laughter? When could be able to set the reflection of her eyes on his own eyes? Except these all matters, he hadn’t cared about anything else these days.

Right now, he was sitting on the bed tilting his back with the crown. Didn’t know it was his third or fourth cigarette, but he hadn’t cared about the number. Fazal had called him for the dinner hour ago but Ilaaf was still sitting in the same position. Fazal came again and this time Ilaaf replied him that he isn’t feeling hungry. Fazal went back having a deep sigh.

A strange smile was spread on his face after looking this impression of Fazal; how much pain this smile had, only Ilaaf knew it.

This cigarette was going to be reach its edge, Ilaaf moved his hand and had taken out few pictures from the drawer of the side table. These were the pictures of Qandeel other than those pictures which Ilaaf had snapped in the get together and Rohail had given him being very kind; the pictures of the get together were already stored in his laptop forever.

Ilaaf looked each of them one by one, how many times he had looked those pictures in last eight days, he didn’t know. After throwing the cigarette in the ash tray, he brought a picture close to his face and then he kept looking the shiny eyes of Qandeel for a while; then a thought had surged a shine in his own eyes. He kept those all pictures below his pillow then went to the dressing room. He came out in some time and then while collecting the keys of the car, mobile and wallet his eyes moved towards the laptop that was kept on the study table.

Coming towards the study table, he turned on the laptop and then as soon as the desktop appeared on the screen, his eyes were stopped on the smile of Qandeel. It was the same conquering smile which had played a great role for defeat of Kiran and which had occupied Ilaaf’s heart in a single moment.

Ilaaf moved his hand ahead but then reaching near the screen his hand was stopped involuntarily. He wanted to touch her eyes but couldn’t touch.

It was an unethical act and already he had done an unethical act by taking Qandeel’s pictures from Rohail without bringing into her knowledge, now doing another act like this was equal to go down from the status of humanity.

“I will touch your eyes with your consent.” Muttering to himself he went out of the room.

He wanted to take the answer of his question from Rohail in any case today.

While driving he was just thinking whether Rohail would have talked to her or not? And if had talked then don’t know how Qandeel would have reacted?

On the signal after stopping the car, he started to look out from the side window and during this he had looked a beggar sitting on foot path. Don’t know why but looking that beggar, Ilaaf reminded the beggar outside the night club and just then he remembered all those words which he had said that day.

“Complete beauty, careless and unconcerned beauty.” Unwillingly a smile was appeared on his lips.

Qandeel Yousuf was a complete beauty. She was an outstanding illustration of complete beauty, at least for Ilaaf Laashari; illustration of careless and unconcerned beauty who herself was unaware from her beauty. The beauty which had left Ilaaf of no senses, Qandeel Yousuf hadn’t any pride on that beauty nor had she cared. And this unconcernness and carelessness of her had intensified the lunacy of Ilaaf. In the quest of this beauty, the heart of Ilaaf was become the heart of a lover.

Signal was green. Ilaaf drove the car ahead.

Rohail was at home, perhaps just had come back from somewhere; was surprised to see Ilaaf but couldn’t say anything. Both of them came in Rohail’s room.

They talked about few things. Ilaaf felt as Rohail is trying to diverge his attention from the real issue willingly therefore after few moments he asked from Rohail straight forwardly.

“Did you talk to Qandeel or not?” Rohail had just looked his face.

“I am asking about something, Rohail.” Rohail bent his head down and started putting off his shoes.

“Yeah, I talked to her yesterday.” The answer was short and given in a lower tone.

“What did Qandeel answer?” Ilaaf felt restlessness in his tone.

Rohail looked him by raising his head then started telling him about the whole conversation.

Ilaaf was hearing like a statue. He knew that the reaction would be severe but will be intense like this he hadn’t any idea.

Finishing the whole story, Rohail had looked him.

Ilaaf was like, if being cut then no drop of blood will be found anywhere in his body.

“It’s impossible. Qandeel can’t say this.” Ilaaf felt like his voice was coming from a long distance.

“Everything is said by Qandeel, word to word.” Rohail had breathed deeply.

“She has wrongly perceived my restlessness, agitation and my lunacy. She is respectable for me. My Love is not lust, Rohail.” He had said these words with so much difficulty.

“So you have finally admitted that you are in love with her, otherwise you weren’t agreed to admit it earlier.” Ilaaf didn’t answer just looked his face.

“I know, Ilaaf, that this is Love not lust because I know you for many years, but Qandeel just knows you for three weeks. Whatever is her opinion about you, it’s not the fault of her perception, it is your fault. You lose your senses in front of her, neither your heart remains in your control nor eyes or feet. And just due to these odd actions, your image has been gone down in her eyes and now, if you don’t want let yourself further down then you should leave her way, Ilaaf.” Ilaaf felt as somebody had scrolled down a burning coal in his throat.

“What did you say, Rohail?” Ilaaf rose, “I should leave her way; I should leave the way of Qandeel Yousuf, I should leave the way of my life.” Rohail just kept looking him surprisingly. “She has become my life and nobody leaves the way of his life like this. Eight days….do you know how many hours, how many minutes, how many seconds are there in eight days? No, you don’t know. I know because I have passed my last eight days like eight centuries. Her face doesn’t go away from my sight; her laughter, her voice doesn’t leave my ear. Every moment she lives in my heart and mind, her thoughts don’t let me to be calm for a single moment. I will go mad, Rohail; if I wouldn’t meet her then probably I will go mad.” Ilaaf had taken his head into his hands sitting on the bed.

Rohail kept his hand on Ilaaf’s shoulder. Ilaaf raised his head and looked him. “I want to marry her.” Rohail couldn’t answer him.

“But I can’t marry her today, now and this moment. There are many things to be settled for marrying someone and they need some time and till then, don’t I have the right even to look her, to talk to her just for a moment? And till then, will I have to burn myself in the fire of the Love like this?” Rohail was quiet, his forehead was creased. “I am asking you something, Rohail. Why don’t you answer me?” Ilaaf had shaken his arm by standing.

“This is another big problem, Ilaaf. You want to marry her but not necessary that whatever you are thinking, things would be the same.”

“What do you mean?” Ilaaf couldn’t understand anything.

“Qandeel has been engaged.” Ilaaf felt like the sky would have fallen over his head. Somebody had snatched the courage from his feet to stand.

With a jerk, he had sat on the carpet on his knees. Rohail held him. Keeping both palms on the carpet, he had somehow controlled himself; the floral designs of the carpet were felt to be revolving in front of his eyes.

“Ilaaf, control yourself. You will actually lose your senses in this way.” Rohail with his support let Ilaaf to be seated on couch. Then he immediately went to side table and brought the water in the glass. “Drink some water.” He put the glass to his lips. Ilaaf somehow had taken few sips then moved glass away from his lips and started breathing deeply like he would have come running from a long distance.

Rohail came back after keeping glass at the side table till then Ilaaf had controlled him enough.

“Qandeel has been engaged.” He muttered to himself then he looked Rohail.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier, Rohail? Why did you hide this thing? Why did you do this cruelty to me?” His tone was so painful which had taken the power to speak from Rohail for a moment.

“Ilaaf, listen to me with peace. She has been engaged for five years. Even if I would have told you this earlier then what could have been changed? Could this intensity in your Love for her be diminished by telling this to you? Could you be able to stop your heart loving her? Could this lunacy and madness be decreased? No, Ilaaf. It could have happened. Whenever Love discovers a new prey for it, then it just takes him into its enclosure; no reason, no excuse, no elucidation can be proved as a wall to stop Love. Even if I would have told you then you would have fallen into her love in any case.” Ilaaf couldn’t declare him wrong.

“But what will happen now? What will happen, Rohail? Somebdoy else wouldn’t get her; I can’t see let somebody else get her. I will die or will go mad.”

“Wait, Ilaaf. You will have to wait a bit. In coming few days, I will go at her home to meet Yousuf Uncle in the absence of Qandeel and will talk to him. He has a very different nature; is a cold minded man. If felt better then I will try to take his opinion by bringing everything into his knowledge. Qandeel is engaged with her cousin, he is the nephew of Yousuf Uncle. It looks odd and difficult but I will talk to him once, he won’t be angry like Qandeel, at least will hear everything in this case I hope so.”

“And till then neither can I meet Qandeel nor can see her?” Rohail shook his head.

Ilaaf stood.

“It’s not like this, I can’t wait too much. I will talk to Qandeel myself; will try to explain it to her.” He had said in a bewildered manner.

“You will ruin the situation more, Ilaaf. To wait is better than to be impatient; having the patience sometimes effect to solve even the most complicated matters.”

“If I would be among the patient ones, would never be then Ilaaf Laashari.” He came towards the door in a fast pace.

“You are gone out of your mind, Ilaaf. God may give you some brain.” He heard at his back Rohail muttering himself.

That night was the most miserable night of his life. Talking about sleep is quite away, he even forgot to blink his eyes. He was feeling everything around stony like his eyes.

If the name of Qandeel Yousuf was written with someone else five years back then…was it necessary for her to come in the life of Ilaaf like this and then to go back after damaging everything? And Ilaaf….was it necessary for him to go in the get together that day, and after looking Qandeel, to destroy his peaceful world inside him with his own hands?

“How quietly, you have shattered my inside world, Qandeel? This method to commit a crime would never be used by anybody; even not a professional thief would have done a house-breaking like this.”

He muttered; was lying on the bed face downward and at some distance the pictures of Qandeel were scattered randomly. He was looking those pictures but his thirst couldn’t be overcomed by looking them. He wanted to look a living Qandeel; wanted to talk to her, to say everything to her which he couldn’t say ever but how…….he wasn’t able to decide it.

Just before the dawn, had a little slumber and when he waked up in the late morning, his eyes were burning and just a single craze had occupied him inside out.

“I have to see Qandeel and nobody can take back this right to me.” Taking shower he had his breakfast and then left the home in car; didn’t know where she could be found just madness that in any case he will see Qandeel today, whether from a distance but just could see her face, even it was enough for Ilaaf.

Having a look on his wrist watch, came to University just by guess; wasn’t sure that she would be found there but it was a hope and that moment this hope was the only anticipation for his breathing.

Parking his car in the shade of the trees at some distance from the department, he had set his eyes on the way of people leaving and arriving. Then didn’t know for how much time, fixing his sight on the department gate like a tramp, he kept sitting in the car.

But that day perhaps, Nature was merciful for his lunacy. About two o’clock in the afternoon he had seen a shadow coming out of the gate and she was Qandeel. He had just met the girl thrice even then could be able to identify her among the millions. He just could see a single glimpse of her face because immediately coming outside the gate, she had covered her head and face with her white stole to save her from the heat of scorching sunlight. In white dress, with the sunlight all around, she was felt like a part of this sunlight to him; there was light inside Ilaaf after looking her.

She was all time careless; unconcerned from anything around her started walking at one side of the road.

Ilaaf started following her having enough distance to her. He was afraid if Qandeel just looked his car once then he will be identified. From there to the gate, Ilaaf followed her being so much careful but the carelessness of Qandeel was at its peak. She kept walking just concerned about herself due to which Ilaaf was able to follow her easily.

He had the idea about heat of the sunlight; despite of cooling of the air condition in the car, he could be able to have idea due to the intensity of the light.

“She is walking in scorching sunlight. Her hands, her feet, her face, her eyes, everything will be burning due to the hot environment. Her throat will be dried due to the thirst; sweat flowing from her head and temples will be bothering her.” Strange thoughts were making Ilaaf worried, but he was helpless, couldn’t do anything for her. He didn’t want to close this only door of some peace for him by bringing himself out in front of her at this moment.

If he would be capable then would have brought the shade in Qandeel’s way by hiding the Sun behind the clouds but he was a human, hadn’t any rule over the Sun.

Then Qandeel hired a rickshaw from the University gate. Ilaaf still was following her. Then he looked Qandeel getting down from the rickshaw at the press club road, in front of a newspaper building. He had breathed deeply. He remembered Rohail had talked about it; she was doing an internship. Coming in the shade, Qandeel had put off her stole from her head and set it on the shoulder with so much carelessness. Ilaaf felt like his restless heart had some peace by having a look on her. In white dress with red face, she was felt like a fairy that moment to Ilaaf. Then Ilaaf looked her going inside the building.

Ilaaf read the name of the newspaper written on the building. He remembered he knew the chief editor of this newspaper. Asghar siddiqui was a good friend of Qaiser Laashari.

He kept standing there for a while then came back home.

Next two days, he had kept following Qandeel in the same way. A strange peace it was which he had got even by looking her from a distance, but how long it could be going on like this?

There was something which still was bothering Ilaaf. She was the fiancée of someone else, and at any moment this peace that has come in Ilaaf’s life could be transformed into restlessness again. He had to do something before that moment; had to talk to Qandeel.

Third day he had decided that in any case he will talk to her today.

And just when he was going to leave the home, Adnan had arrived without informing him.

“I am going somewhere important. Come in the evening.” Adnan was surprised.

“I have come from Lahore after so many days and you are asking me to come in the evening.” He had some anger in his tone.

“I just meant that you shouldn’t wait otherwise you will have to.” Ilaaf replied smiling.

“Where are you going? I am coming with you.”

“What will you do there? There is nothing for you to do.” Ilaaf didn’t want to take Adnan with him at any condition.

“I go everywhere with you. Then what is this place where I can’t go with you?” For a while Ilaaf kept thinking that either to tell him or not then finally he was supposed to tell because Adnan wasn’t leaving his way.

“I have to meet a girl.” Adnan had seen him like he had got horns over his head.

“Girl….and you. So it happened with you as well, Ilaaf. Now I will go with you in any case. Let’s have a look on pretty woman who had made Ilaaf a man and taught him to live like a man.” He replied laughing.

“Adnan, I want you to talk about her with respect. She is different from all those girls whom you call pretty women.”

“Ilaaf, you are really gone. Ok I talk about her with respect but definitely will go with you to see the girl whom you have given place in your heart.”

“But I can’t take you with me now, Adnan. Right now the matters between us are not well and I am going to have a solution for them. Your idea to go with me is not better right now.”

“What happened with the matters?”

“She doesn’t like me; doesn’t want to meet me. I want to change her opinion about me by convincing her, after that, things could be better.” Adnan had gazed him again with a surprising look.

“She dislikes you; doesn’t want to meet you. Is her eyesight fine or…..” Ilaaf interrupted him.

“I will tell you everything but right now I am getting late. I have to go.”

“I have said Ilaaf that I am coming with you and now definitely I will, whether you say anything, you will have to take me with you.” Ilaaf kept thinking for a while squeezing his lips. His mind wasn’t working at all; to get rid of Adnan was always impossible in a situation like this.

“You can go at one condition. You will not interfere in anything there and will keep yourself away from me and Qandeel.” Adnan smiled.

“I accept. I accept your every condition.” Didn’t know why but Ilaaf wasn’t feeling good by taking Adnan with him. Adnan was moody, sometimes had reacted in very strange ways.

“Let’s go.” Replying shortly Ilaaf moved towards the car.

“By the way, it’s a sweet name….Qandeel.” Adnan commented.

Ilaaf had taken the driving seat quietly.

While starting the car he had a look at the watch. He was already late.

Having a deep sigh, he had decided to go at the newspaper office.

Chapter no. 7: Desire or Lust (III)

Qandeel was very angry. Initially only to Ilaaf and was surprised on his obstinacy but later on as much she was thinking, feeling herself angry to Rohail very much.

What need he had to take Ilaaf Laashari along with him, while he had an idea that Qandeel didn’t like Ilaaf at all. And Ilaaf……why he was after Qandeel. She used to talk to him in an unconcerned, rude and icy tone and he had enough brain to feel that Qandeel had disliked him, even then what stubbornness he had showed coming hospital like this, after that the usual irritation that she had all the time whenever he came in front of him, started to burst out once again. Rohail and Ilaaf had left hours ago and she was still feeling herself angry in the form of short intervals. It was felt that if ever, he came in front of her unnecessarily one more time like this then perhaps, she would extremely react by keeping all ethics aside, and she didn’t want to do that.

She reminded the red eyes of Ilaaf and the strange impression they had and therefore a fire of anger and hatred was continuously burning inside her. How he was looking her being so ill-mannered, if she hadn’t thought about Baba, Hamza Shahid and Kamran Ali then perhaps would have taken out his eyes.

Anyway, she had decided that in any case she wouldn’t go to a place where about she would have a single doubt of Ilaaf Laashari’s presence, and if Rohail insisted unnecessarily then will react immediately by scolding him.

She kept performing small duties for Baba till night but her thoughts were still hanged on a single spot.

Why did Ilaaf Laashari come here? And with which credit he came? While Qandeel had clearly said it to him that in order to meet someone, there must be some reasonable reason and there was no such reason between Ilaaf and her. Perhaps there was a reason but that reason was only known by the lustful eyes of Ilaaf, by looking which had made Qandeel so much restless.

Right now, she was looking down the cars running on the road bathed in street lights, standing with the glass window in the room; was feeling good to look at the road like this from the third floor. After so many hours, she was now feeling much better and just then Yousuf Mairaj had called her.

She turned back and gazed him surprisingly.

“Baba, are you still waking? I thought you are sleeping.” There was not bright light in the room. Except the energy saver with a faint light at the door, all other lights were off; even then she could see Baba smiling.

“How can I sleep so early at night while I lie on this bed for the whole day, Qandeel? Usman has just set me with the bed; my body will stop working in this way.” Qandeel smiled.

“Now, it’s just the matter of two more days, Baba. Tomorrow we will get the results of all remaining tests and InshAllah you will be discharged day after tomorrow. Why are you so impatient? Uncle Usman is doing everything for your betterment.” He laughed.

“Uncle Usman is being defended too much.” She laughed on his criticism. “Acha, come here. Sit beside me.” Qandeel came and sat besides him, gazing him.

“Thanks God that you are fine, Baba, otherwise I was so much worried for you.” Don’t know what happened, Qandeel had kept her head on his shoulder. Yousuf Mairaj kissed her hairs with a kindness.

“What could happen to me, Qandeel? You shouldn’t be worried for me.” Qandeel moving her head up looked him.

“Why shouldn’t I be worried for you, Baba? Whoelse I have, except you? And since my childhood, I have found my each and every relationship just in you; sometimes you loved me like a mother, sometimes you were kind to me like a father and sometimes you were just like a trustworthy friend to me. You know that even your little pains are unbearable for me, and you are just saying that I shouldn’t be worried.” Saying the last sentence, her tone had some anger in it.

Yousuf Mairaj started laughing.

“Look, now don’t be angry, my dear daughter, otherwise I will be unwell again.” Then he had taken her face into his hands, “How long I will keep looking you smiling and laughing like this in front of my eyes, I will be perfectly alright. You are my life, Qandeel, the light of my eyes. Nothing can happen to me while you are with me; NOTHING.” Qandeel had kissed his hands and then rose from her place.

“Now take rest, Baba. You need rest.” She turned but Yousuf Mairaj held her hand and let her to sit besides him again.

“How long do you know Ilaaf, Qandeel?” The question was so unexpected that she couldn’t say anything. She felt the smile on her face was disappearing.

“Not so long, Baba. He is a friend of Rohail; came in the University get together; there I had seen him first time.” She tried her best to keep her tone normal.

“He is a good boy, with a soft and kind nature; seems to be intelligent and mature as well.” A fire was just blazed inside Qandeel.

“Would be… I haven’t keenly observed him. What need I have to observe him, Baba? He is just the friend of Rohail, not is mine so why I should give importance to him?” Unwillingly she couldn’t hide the unpleasant impression in her tone.

“I thought he is your friend as well, that’s why asked.”

“If he would be, then I would have told you earlier about him. You know very well that I am a bit careful in case of making friends, especially in case of having friendship with boys; don’t make anyone my friend in such a short time and Ilaaf……” She stopped saying something then finally she had said, “I don’t like Ilaaf Laashari so there shouldn’t be any question about my friendship with him.”

Yousuf Mairaj had smiled. Qandeel felt like he smiled just against his wish.

“Perhaps I was misunderstood that he is your friend as well. Anyway, its very late, you should sleep now. Today, your whole day went busy; you are looking tired, go and sleep.” Qandeel being quiet came towards the couch; was tired but the conversation about Ilaaf Laashari had bothered her. She turned her side and closed her eyes.

And then, she fell asleep in a while but that night, Yousuf Mairaj couldn’t sleep at all. There was an endless series of thoughts and each thought was forcing him to think further. Whatever he had thought few days ago, that was actually happened even before he had thought and today…….he had just seen the evidence of this, in the form of Ilaaf Laashari and his lunacy. How long he kept sitting there, Yousuf Mairaj had kept looking him then how could it possible that he couldn’t be able to see that feeling spilling from his eyes for Qandeel. She was really the light of his eyes and in these so many years, for the first time he had felt that there is someone else in this world, who has the reflection of Qandeel in his eyes like an illuminating shine. And that person was Ilaaf Laashari, this feeling was so satisfying for him, perhaps he could never express in words. Who can he be except Ilaaf Laashari, who could love Qandeel so much due to which Yousuf Mairaj could believe it that there would be someone after him who would be able to care her daughter, to love her daughter more than him? Indeed, he could be just Ilaaf Laashari. And just then, for the first time he had felt that he shouldn’t have let Qandeel to be engaged so early and shouldn’t have given up due to persistence of Sami; should have waited for this promise to be fulfilled, few more years. But whatever is written in fate, it always has to happen; he believed that slowly and gradually everything will be alright. The icy cold behavior of Qandeel for Ilaaf was disturbing for him but overall he was satisfied when this all has been happened then, even this step will be passed soon.

Two days later, Yousuf Mairaj had been discharged from the hospital. Qandeel couldn’t go to University during these days; this semester was proved to be very hard for her. She had taken too much leaves and due to which she wasn’t able to concentrate much on her studies.

And now, when she rejoined the University this time then once again a great work load was ready for her and Dr. Saeed had clearly said her that she has to submit the project report in coming week in any case. To complete her project report she had to visit the newspaper office as well, and then assignments, lectures, project work; her head was just shaken; wasn’t able to decide where to start and where to finish. Anyhow, by taking Almighty’s name she had started work at last; next three days were very busy for her; with full concentration she had kept completing the incomplete tasks and all four of them were helping her in every possible way. They had the complete idea about her difficulties that’s why they kept playing their role as her friends. She very few times had talked to Rohail on any topic except her studies; she had almost forgotten everything.

And then, that day when she was sitting in library and working just then Rohail had come. Seema and Humaira were been to Photostat shop; as usual Ameen was with them. Qandeel was alone at the table that moment. Rohail also sat there. She was copying the lectures from Humaira’s note book; beside it a light conversation was also going on, then suddenly Rohail became quiet. There was silence for a while; Qandeel was surprised because normally Rohail was proved to be very talkative. In his presence there couldn’t be any silence.

“What happened? Why are you so quiet, Rohail?” Qandeel’s hand was moving besides her tongue.

“Nothing; I have to say something to you, am thinking either to say or not?” Rohail had said with a serious tone.

“So, you think as well, Rohail. It’s new information for me.” Her mood was good.

“Acha, listen. If you don’t like it then you can scold me but please don’t be angry with me because if you are angry then it’s always very difficult to reconcile it.” She laughed.

“What’s the matter that you are scared too much? Say.” She replied without moving her head up.

“Ilaaf wants to be your friend.” Perhaps he had brought out the words with a trouble.

The hand of Qandeel that was moving fast was stopped. She raised her head and looked Rohail.

“Friend……Ilaaf.” For a moment Qandeel was very angry but then she controlled herself.

“I don’t want to make him friend. And you……know me very well even then have brought his message for me.” She was a bit angry and that’s why had replied in a cold and dry tone.

“Look Qandeel, he is also my friend just like you. I tried to explain it to him but due to his determination I am talking to you. He just asked me to at least talk to you once and that’s why I did it.” Qandeel gazed Rohail; he was talking in a careful manner. “I know that perhaps you don’t have a good opinion about him but overall he is a gentleman; is a bit mad and silly but very nice by heart; normally he is very careful in the case of friendship with girls but wants to be your friend. It has to be decided by you but I will just say one thing that please, you should think about it with a cool mind without being emotional.” Rohail was quiet now.

“Well, you have said what you wanted to. Now listen to me, Rohail.” Rohail’s lips were compressed. “I don’t have any interest that either he is a nice man or not. He could be very nice for you, but for me, he is not more than an ordinary guy with a mediocre mind and ordinary thought. How his lustful eyes had made me furious that evening in the party and then in the hospital, after that I have a better idea about the gentleness he has. The wildness that slumps from his eyes ignites a fire in my whole body; my blood starts boiling when he looks at me. I feel that perhaps he had never seen a girl before this.” She wanted to clear all pains and gains and at least to remind it to Rohail that he hadn’t done well in any way by bringing Ilaaf along with him in the hospital. “Friendship is a sacred word for me, a pious and precious relation, but what would this word mean for Ilaaf Laashari, I don’t know neither I want to. And what did you think when you brought his message to me, Rohail. Friendship is far-away, I even don’t want to look his face.”

Rohail involuntarily breathed deeply.

“I don’t understand that what should I do? Looking his restlessness I feel sympathy for him and hearing your reason makes me to think that you are right as well. The truth is that, Qandeel, by looking his condition I strongly believe that he is in love with you and he is unaware of his state himself.” Perhaps he had kept saying unwillingly because then suddenly he was quiet.

Qandeel couldn’t understand anything for a moment then as soon as her thoughts start working, she rose with a jerk.

Then she started collecting her belongings from the table in a quick way. She collected notes and handouts and put them inside the folder, just then she looked Rohail standing as well.

“What happened?” Qandeel set her bag on her shoulder and held the folder in her hand then without looking at Rohail came towards the door. Rohail came behind her as well.

She was passing the corridor very quickly making space between the students.

“Qandeel, listen to me.” She heard Rohail’s voice behind her which she had neglected completely.

Perhaps she had never walked so fast in her life.

Passing the corridor she came downstairs. Perhaps Rohail had now started running. At last in the court area he came running and stood in front of Qandeel. She had to stop herself.

Then she moved her head up and looked Rohail. Don’t know why but that moment she had so much anger inside that her eyes became watery.

“What happened, Qandeel? What have I said? I am sorry, I am so sorry if you are hurt with my sayings. I didn’t want to give you pain at all.”

For a moment she couldn’t say anything then her patience had surrendered.

“There is a difference between Love and Lust, Rohail. It is miserable that you can’t differentiate them but I can differentiate both and can recognize that in the eyes of Ilaaf Laashari, there is just lust for me and nothing else. You should have thought before saying this to me. I am engaged and anything like this is unbearable for me.” For the first time, she had talked to Rohail in such a hard tone.

“And if you want me not to be angry with you or decide not to end the friendship with you then never ever take the name of Ilaaf Laashari, in front of me. I hate that man; feel aversion to look his eyes; abominate to look his face.” Rohail had surprise in his eyes, a painful surprise which had given a sense of peace to Qandeel for a moment. How much she had suffered, Rohail should have suffered once.

With a poisonous smile, she gazed Rohail and then by taking large steps moved ahead. Rohail at the other hand was still standing there. Qandeel hadn’t cared.

Chapter no. 7: Desire or Lust (II)

“You were interested in Ilaaf Laashari, more than usual.” The silence that was present in the car just was broken by Kamran Ali. Hamza Shahid turned his head and looked him.

“Tell me one thing, Kamran.” Unusually he was serious.

“Yes, please ask, sir.”

“How long Qandeel and Ilaaf know each other?”

“I have no idea because Qandeel never mentioned about Ilaaf. I know the names of her all friends; she keeps talking about Rohail also but Ilaaf……I was surprised to see him there today. My personal opinion is that Ilaaf just came as a friend of Rohail.”

“Hmmmm” He kept thinking for a while then said, “How do you see the association and relationship between Qandeel and Ilaaf, right now or in coming days?”

Kamran Ali shuddered for a moment then smiled thinking something.

“I can’t say it with authority as well but idea is that neither the relationship is good right now nor it can be in coming days, however, if we talk about the future then God knows better about it.” Hamza Shahid had looked his intelligent student.

“Give me some explaination. How can you say that?”

“How many times Qandeel looked Ilaaf in front of my eyes, there was an unpleasant and disgust feeling on her face. I know her very well so that at least I can recognize her behavior and attitude in a better way.”

“And Ilaaf……” Hamza Shahid left the question incomplete.

“Perhaps, Qandeel was the only reason for Ilaaf to be there because how long he kept sitting there, the center of his eyes was Qandeel. By looking her, the shine that was appearing in his eyes and the smile that was coming on his lips, was very much surprising.”

“What name you will give to that shining and smile?” He was asking questions continuously. Before having a conclusive opinion, he wanted to discuss each and every thought that he had in his mind.

“Desire.” The smile of Kamran Ali was mysterious this time, “He has a desire for Qandeel.”

“Hmmm” The answer was just what he was expecting, “One can just reach the Love when he travels on the way of desire, Kamran. Then how can you say that in coming days, the relationship between Qandeel and Ilaaf wouldn’t be better than before.”

“I am just saying according to my experience, sir. It’s not necessary that it would be true but I feel like that. Even in my opinion, if it happened and they would have an excellent association then it wouldn’t be earlier. This unhappening, to happen will need so many days, so much time; two stars shining on two different skies have to travel a lot in order to shine at the same sky in the same galaxy; have to go far and wide.” Hamza Shahid somehow was convinced from these words of Kamran Ali. The storm of thoughts that was surging inside him, its limit was also going to be end on this conclusion.

“You have learned a lot, Kamran, perhaps what even I haven’t taught you.” Kamran Ali smiled.

“I want to know your opinion as well in this case, sir.”

“My opinion.” He thought that what to tell Kamran and what not, “I am so old now, Kamran. I don’t think about anything so deeply so that my brain can’t be out of action.” He laughed on his own words.

There was silence for a while then he decided that how much detail Kamran needs to know. “You remember, Kamran. I had told you about a dream of mine few days ago.” Kamran Ali shook his head.

“I remember; it was a strange dream, you told me very slight details about it.”

“Whatever I had told you, that’s enough for you, Kamran. Further details won’t be useful for you. However, I can tell you that who the two persons were, I watched in the dream, that’s what I didn’t tell you earlier.”

“Yes, sir. And you said that you will tell me later on.”

“I had seen Qandeel and Ilaaf in the dream.” Kamran Ali was badly surprised, and that’s why he slowed down the speed of the car. “I would have told you that moment but there were some mystifications which were necessary to solve out.” Kamran Ali turned his head and looked him, “Today those mystifications have been solved.” Involuntarily he had breathed deeply. Each time when a mystery was solved, he used to feel himself tired and satisfied like this.

“What was the mystery and how did it being solved out?” Perhaps Kamran Ali wasn’t fully satisfied.

There was silence for a while.

“Do you know Omer Laashari?” Kamran Ali smiled.

“If didn’t know him earlier then now I know him very well, sir; the younger brother of Qaiser Laashari who was a student of Saima Yousuf as well and was martyred at Battal sector near line of control.” He had shaken his head.

“Yes, younger and disobedient son of Aadil Laashari; younger but an insurgent brother of Qaiser Laashari; intelligent and beloved prince of Fatima Laashari and Ilaaf Laashari’s Chachaa.” He kept saying under an impression, “He was a very strange boy; different from his other family members; wilful in every matter and that’s why joined Pak Army despite of all resistance he faced from his father and elder brother; couldn’t find a better solution than it to save himself from feudalism and politics. And Saima…..actually she had clearified it to Omer that Army shouldn’t be joined just to bring a change in life and to keep ourself away from a field we don’t like, instead, being a soldier is a religious and professional responsibility and one has to be aware with its importance and significance in any case.” He stopped to take a breath.

“I want to ask many other things as well about Saima Yousuf and Omer Laashari, sir. On asking, sir Yousuf just said to ask from you.” Kamran Ali perhaps couldn’t stop his tongue.

“There are many things that can be told and heard about Saima and Omer, Kamran. In a very short period of their lives, there are as much to know which perhaps wouldn’t be in the longer period of mine and Yousuf’s lives, but we will talk about it someday later on.” Kamran Ali shook his head.

“Ilaaf is just like Omer in features and that’s why when I saw him in the dream then considered him Omer and remained confused that Omer is not in this world now then what could this dream mean? And today after looking and meeting Ilaaf, I understood that meaning.” The curiosity and interest of Kamran Ali was increased too much that he parked the car at the side of the road and ceased the engine. He wanted to hear everything with full concentration.

“The one I considered Omer is actually Ilaaf, and Qandeel…..I can recognize her very well. According to that dream there is a very strange very strong relationship between Qandeel and Ilaaf; to have an idea about the nature of which is impossible for me and perhaps would be for you as well.” He again breathed deeply.

“So it means, sir, that in your opinion Qandeel and Ilaaf……” Hamza Shahid raised his hand and made him to be quiet.

“You tell, Kamran. What do you think about it? If Ilaaf has a desire for Qandeel then where could this desire take Ilaaf?” Kamran Ali thought for a while.

“I can’t say anything for sure, sir. Ilaaf is the only heir of two big states, two political families; it’s not necessary that his desire would take him to the way of Love, if this desire further intensified then even can misled him towards the wrong way as well.” The guess of the genius student of Hamza Shahid was not wrong by the way; was quite right.

“Did you notice, Kamran? Ilaaf hasn’t in him haughtiness like his father, ego like his Daada and pride like his Naana.” Hamza Shahid was feeling nice to share this all to Kamran Ali. Perhaps he was the only one who could watch and understand the whole matter just like him.

“Yes sir, I felt it but……I even didn’t see any modesty, kindness, generosity, and courtesy in him.”

“I agree with this as well, Kamran. But did you look his eyes?” His tone was so odd that Kamran Ali was suddenly very surprised.

“His eyes are exactly like Omer; so that each and every impression in those eyes is just like him. There is a strange restlessness, a mysterious affection in his eyes, which can only be found in the eyes of a true lover. I wish I could make you to see that lunacy, that passion in his eyes that I looked. Agitation, curiosity, search, desire, don’t know how many things I have seen, at one time, in his eyes.” Kamran Ali squeezed his lips.

Then like Hamza Shahid was back from that state.

“Leave this all, as much as the time will be passed, everything will be clearified and we will be able to understand things in a better way.” He had smiled.

“But now I believe sir, that whatever you have observed and looked with your insight that will be true and that will happen actually.” Kamran Ali was always an admirer of his insight.

Hamza Shahid had laughed in a cracking voice.

“I haven’t said this all to you, Kamran, so that you start shaking your head and validate my words.” Kamran Ali was also laughing. “Instead, the reason to share everything with you is that you always show your personal opinion whether good or bad and due to which, sometimes I get new insights to think about; which are initially hidden and can be useful on the right time.”

“You think so much and even then use to say that I have become old and don’t think deeply so brain can’t be out of order.” Kamran Ali said laughing and then sitting in a linear manner started the engine.

“Kamran, I want to say something to you.” Hearing the voice of Hamza Shahid drowned in a thought, he moved back his foot from accelerator and then by turning his head looked Hamza Shahid.

“Yes, sir. Please say.”

“I am very old now, in real; Yousuf is also a heart patient, and used to be unwell often; after both of us, you will have to take many responsibilities and accomplish our incomplete projects, therefore, I want to instruct you something.”

“Please say, I am listening.” Kamran Ali had seen Hamza Shahid very few times, talking in such a serious tone and that’s why he had an idea about the importance of this instruction.

“If, at any point in life, Ilaaf comes to you and asks for any kind of help then don’t refuse him; whatever is the situation, just do it, whether he would be doing right or wrong, whether good or bad; whether he would have committed the most terrible crime or would have been recognized as the biggest sinner of the world; whatever it would be, just guide him; help him in each possible righteous way; never deny him, just trust him; never reject him, don’t try to stay away from him; whether whole world curses you, being annoyed from you, just be on side of Ilaaf and whatever you would be able to do for him legally and ethically, do it in any case.” His tone had something very mysterious.

Kamran Ali had heard each and every word very keenly.

“Trust me, sir. I will do so.” Saying with obedience, he had brought the car on the road once again.

Chapter no. 7: Desire or Lust (I)

“Chotey Saaiyen, wake up.” Perhaps Fazal had shaken him but he was so much sleepy at the moment that just said ‘Hmmm’ in reply. Then perhaps Fazal had shaken him second time, just then he opened his eyes a bit. The room had so much light at the moment. Rubbing his eyes he turned his side and straightened himself.

“What’s wrong with you, Fazal? Why have you got me up so early in the morning?” He cursed Fazal having a yawn.

“It’s not morning Chotey Saaiyen. It’s half past one in the afternoon.” His eyes were burning. Rubbing his eyes with both hands he got up and sat. “You have a call from Bari Bibi.” Fazal gave him the cordless phone.

“Call from Daadi Maa….” He took the cordless with a surprise.

Fazal was pulling the curtains back from the windows. The bright sunlight was smashed to his body. Holding the cordless with his ear, he stood.

“How are you?” After Salam he had asked.

“Leave me, my child. How are you? When will visit the village? My eyes are anxious to see you.” She had said everything in one sentence.

“I am perfectly fine, Daadi Maa; will visit in a week or so; you are feeling well naa? Has the ulcer again bothered you?”

“I am fine; ordinary pains walk along in this age, Ilaaf. Never be worry for me; just take care of yourself and your health.” Like a routine she had started to advice him for his good health.

“Fine, Daadi Maa; will take care of my health. Tell me how is Maa? She never calls me and whenever I call her even then doesn’t talk to me. I never could understand this habit of Maa, Daadi Maa. How much she loves me I know it very well but then why she doesn’t talk to me on phone?” He suddenly remembered Maa.

“She doesn’t talk to you Ilaaf, due to the fact that after talking to you on phone she starts to feel your absence so much, cries for a long time by taking your name and even I myself tire to try to satisfy her, Ilaaf. Talk to her how much you want to, when you will visit Sukkur; she won’t talk to you now.” Ilaaf knew that will get this answer in reply.

He kept the phone down having a yawn.

Even after taking shower he was feeling himself little bit lazy. Coming in lounge he sat on the sofa and kept his both legs on the central table. Eyes were still burning.

“Saaiyen, breakfast.” Fazal having the trolly with him came near and Ilaaf changed his position by rubbing his eyes.

“What happened, Saaiyen? Haven’t you had a complete rest?” Fazal offered the glass of juice to him.

“I have had a complete rest; just eyes are burning don’t know why?” He replied taking the sip of juice.

“You would have seen a dream, Saaiyen. Sometimes dreams affect the eyes too much.” Fazal showing his opinion went back with the trolly.

Ilaaf kept the glass on table.

“Dream.” A word had occupied his senses.

Yes, it was a dream due to which his eyes were still burning.

He tried to rewind his mind and thought about the dream.

One after the other, he remembered each and every image of that dream; had seen this dream at night, even then the images in his mind were so strongly stored that Ilaaf had remembered the whole dream.

He had not seen a strange dream like this for the first time. Ilaaf remembered the dream he had seen a month ago and which had kept his sleep restless for many days. This dream at least wasn’t like that one.

For a while he kept thinking then jerking his head had his breakfast.

He was Ilaaf Laashari who hadn’t given importance even to so important things in his life and then it was just a dream. These days if he was giving importance to something then it was just the thought about Qandeel Yousuf which wasn’t leaving his mind for a single moment.

He had passed that whole day like a restless soul and just found the peace when at night Rohail called and informed him that he is going to the hospital to see Qandeel’s father the very next day and Ilaaf is allowed to go with him.

That moment Ilaaf felt like somebody has given a hope of water to his thirsty lips.

He had perhaps passed that night just by changing his sides on the bed; didn’t know why he was so anxious to see that girl, to meet her.

Next day he reached Rohail’s home before the time. Rohail was perhaps surprised but he could expect anything from him in a situation like this.

“Didn’t you sleep at night, Ilaaf?” He guessed by looking his red eyes.

“Yeah, perhaps.” Ilaaf replied shortly.

Rohail didn’t try to talk to him on their way to the hospital. Ilaaf kept driving quietly and Rohail kept trying to understand his condition himself. Ilaaf wasn’t surprised; he could expect it fromRohail; he was used to look every matter with his own perception.

Following Rohail, he came upstairs and now was passing the long corridor. There were private rooms on both sides of the corridor.

Don’t know why with each step, his heartbeat was faster than before. She was present somewhere here in a room at a distance of few steps, and this feeling was providing an unknown happiness to Ilaaf; a strange, nameless and contented joy.

Then Rohail stopped at the door of a room. After reading the room number on the plate, he was now knocking the door. Ilaaf felt his heart stopped beating.

The next moment Rohail entered the room and in follow, Ilaaf also moved his feet inside.

She was there inside. Standing few steps away from the door she was smiling looking Rohail.

Looking her smiling, Ilaaf felt like he was breathing for the first time in life and before this he even didn’t know what actually breathing is?

Next moment she looked Ilaaf. Ilaaf felt a smile was appearing on his face but the smile of Qandeel was disappeared immediately and a sadness grasped Ilaaf’s heart inside.

“Close the door.” The tone of Qandeel was cold.

Ilaaf shut the door quietly. Qandeel had gone to the other end of the room.

Ilaaf was attentive towards Rohail who was presenting a bouquet of flowers to Qandeel’s father, lying on the bed. Ilaaf came towards the bed.

And just then, Rohail introduced him to Qandeel’s father. Ilaaf shook hands with him and asked about his health.

“I am perfectly fine, now. Thanks Allah.” He said smiling and don’t know why Ilaaf had felt like his smile had some strange impression that moment; an impression of familiarity, but it was impossible that he would already be familiar to him; he was meeting him for the first time in life.

Both of them sat on the chairs near the bed.

Yousuf Mairaj started talking to him and Rohail. Beside this, he was observing Ilaaf very keenly as well. Ilaaf had no problem with this at all. That moment if he had a problem then it was just that Qandeel hadn’t looked him once.

She had kept herself busy in small things, willingly. Firstly, she kept collecting the books and newspaper from the table and then started changing the positions of things on the side table; many times she changed the position of the same thing twice or thrice. Ilaaf had kept a sight on her each and every action; he could feel it; she was avoiding him. Why was she doing so? It was difficult to decide.

“Qandeel! Won’t you entertain the guests?” Perhaps Yousuf Mairaj felt it necessary to have an objection looking her busy like this. “Your friends have come and leaving them, you have kept yourself busy in other things.” Qandeel stopped for a moment and looked Yousuf Mairaj. Then she looked towards Rohail and Ilaaf across the bed.

She had some anger in her eyes for Rohail and Ilaaf…..for Ilaaf she had nothing in her eyes; no impression, no other feeling.

Ilaaf felt his heart was being incised.

“Jee Baba.” She said in a serious tone.

“No, Uncle! We had just come to see you, will leave now.” Perhaps Rohail had an idea about her anger.

“Sit down. I am making the tea. Go after having it.” Her expressionless tone was decisive.

Rohail remained silent.

Qandeel started making tea.

Throughout this, for the first time Ilaaf looked that even in this room of the hospital, she was walking bare feet. Perhaps to put on sandel or shoes was a mess for her. In a light green dress of cotton chicken, the color of her face was also felt light greenish to Ilaaf. The carelessly bound hairs on back were already dispersed on her shoulders.

Ilaaf kept looking her, like a travellor standing at the first step and looking towards his destiny standing upstairs on the last step.

Giving them tea, she sat besides Yousuf Mairaj on the bed and just then the door was knocked. Qandeel went to open the door.

Then Ilaaf looked her smiling and saying Salam to someone.

“If there is a guest then we can wait outside.” He heard the voice of a stranger.

“No, sir. Just Rohail and his friend are here. You can come; no problem at all.” Qandeel didn’t even feel to mention his name.

They were two, who entered in the room just the next moment.

He and Rohail stood.

Qandeel introduced both of them to Rohail. And now Rohail was introducing both of them to Ilaaf. One of them, who wasn’t much older in age, was Kamran Ali and the other, who was friend of Yousuf Mairaj, was Hamza Shahid.

“Sir, I already know you people abesntially. Qandeel often keeps telling.” Rohail had said with affection. “He is my friend. Ilaaf, Ilaaf Laashari.” Kamran Ali and Hamza Shahid had looked him.

Ilaaf shook hands with Kamran Ali.

“Ilaaf Laashari, son of Qaiser Laashari. Am I right?” He asked looking in his eyes.

“Yes, sir. You are right.”

“Nice to meet you, young man.” Said smiling he moved ahead and now was talking to Yousuf Mairaj.

Hamza Shahid on the other hand just shook his hand with Ilaaf and observed him carefully.

Ilaaf looked. His eyes were shiny and beautiful. For a moment he remembered the dream he had day before yesterday. His eyes were felt like the Alchemist to Ilaaf.

Hamza Shahid had also moved towards Yousuf Mairaj now.

Ilaaf jerking his head sat back on his position.

“Hmmm” After talking to Yousuf Mairaj, Hamza Shahid turned towards Qandeel.

“Qandeel Yousuf.” She smiled. “Will we have a cup of tea?”

She was puzzled for a moment. “Why not, sir? Infact I should have asked you myself but I forgot to. Actually………” She stopped saying something.

Ilaaf looked, she was nervous. So, there was someone in the world whom with talking had made Qandeel Yousuf to be nervous. This was a new discovery for Ilaaf.

“Actually you forgot everything by looking us. Isn’t it?” Qandeel shook her head. “We can never understand why people forget everything by looking us.” Hamza Shahid sat besides Kamran Ali on sofa laughing.

Yousuf Mairaj was also smiling.

Qandeel was making tea for them.

“A gentleman met us many times and on each meeting he kept saying that he doesn’t remember where he had looked us first time because looking us makes him to forget everything. See what need of thinking in this matter is? We said that Sahib you would have seen us somewhere or anywhere but the important thing is that have you seen us either with closed or opened eyes?” The laughs were roared in the room.

Qandeel was laughing on Hamza Shahid’s words. Stirring the spoon in tea mugs, she was laughing without any control.

Ilaaf kept looking her red face involuntarily.

Qandeel after giving tea to Kamran Ali, Hamza Shahid and Yousuf Mairaj went and stood besides the window.

And during this for the first time, she looked towards Ilaaf. Eyes of Ilaaf met with hers and the next moment Ilaaf looked an unpleasant impression on her face. Her body language suddenly was rigid and disinterest in her eyes was quite visible.

Ilaaf felt a shooting pain inside. He couldn’t understand why never there was a single kind impression in her eyes for Ilaaf? Was Rohail right in his saying? She had disliked Ilaaf. But if it was true then why it was like that? He wanted to have a nice communication to her; wanted to be a friend of her and therefore this behavior of Qandeel was teasing him very much.

For a while they kept talking. Hamza Shahid and his funny sayings were enjoyed by everyone except Ilaaf. Ilaaf in this room neither could see anything except Qandeel nor did he want to.

Then Hamza Shahid and Kamran Ali got to go.

“We have taken so much time, Yousuf. Now take a rest otherwise Dr. Lodhi will charge us that we have made his patient to laugh and to be ill again.”

Rohail and Ilaaf also got up and decided to leave.

Ilaaf looked; Hamza Shahid shook hands with Yousuf Mairaj and then went towards Qandeel.

“The tea was well prepared, Qandeel Yousuf.” His tone had everlasting shine. “By the way, I remembered your name.” He said like a whisper smiling and Ilaaf just could hear it because he was standing near Qandeel.

“It is pleasurable for me, sir.” He looked Qandeel smiling.

“Indeed. It’s pleasurable for me as well, Qandeel.” He breathed deeply. “A big confusion has been finished today.” Qandeel and Ilaaf both had looked him surprisingly.

“What confusion, sir?” Qandeel asked.

Perhaps he wasn’t satisifed with his saying, “Oh, leave it; will talk someday later on. Right now take care of your father.” Patting Qandeel’s head he moved ahead.

Before leaving the room with Rohail, he looked Qandeel by turning back for the last time.

Her face was bright as usual. Ilaaf wished by heart not to go outside instead to hid somewhere in the room and to look Qandeel until he could be able to find the secret of the light on her face. But he couldn’t do anything; wasn’t able to fulfill a single desire out of those unlimited desires that were born inside him that moment.

All four of them passing the corridor came downstairs and then towards the hospital gate.

“Ok, sir. We must go now.” Rohail was shaking hands with them. Ilaaf moved his hand as well.

Kamran Ali had looked him smiling. His smile had something very strange.

Then he shook hand with Hamza Shahid. His hand was cold but Hamza Shahid’s hand was extremely hot that moment like he would be in fever.

“You watch lot of dreams, Ilaaf.” After shaking hands Hamza Shahid said looking him.

Ilaaf felt his feet were embedded in the ground.

“How did you come to know?” He asked unwillingly.

“By looking your eyes.” His strange smile grew deeper.

“Are those all dreams true…..which I see?” He asked the question.

“What can I say, Ilaaf?” Hamza Shahid jerked his shoulders. “Ask your heart.” He stroked Ilaaf’s chest with his Indus finger. “Only your heart can give a correct answer for this question.” Leaving him surprised, he went downstairs and disappeared in the parking along with Kamran Ali.

“Let’s go, Ilaaf.” Rohail had called him. He was like come out of the trance.

Sitting in the car, for a while the meaningful smile of Hamza Shahid was in his mind then her laughter started echoing in his ears and he forgot everything except that laugh.

This time Rohail was driving.

“When will you talk to Qandeel?” He heard himself saying.

“For what?” Rohail was fully attentive towards the driving.

“I have told you, Rohail. I want to have a friendship with her.”

“I can’t understand that what actually you want, Ilaaf.”

“I myself can’t understand it either.” He replied being so straight forward.

“You were looking her like a lunatic; how your eyes were revolving around her face with so much restlessness, I felt many times like you are in love with her.”

“Love.” Ilaaf looked him with a surprise. “I don’t know Rohail that what Love is? I just know one thing that now days I can’t think anything else except Qandeel; no other voice echoes in my ear except her laugh; can’t see anything else except her eyes. If this is love then it’s fine.”

“It is Love, Ilaaf. Man never thinks like this under any other feeling.”

“Perhaps, it would be like this, Rohail. Your idea can be right but I just want one thing that if in any case it wouldn’t be love and just the temporary affection, even then Qandeel shouldn’t get any harm by this. Do you understand what I mean? I don’t want to claim, claim about something and then being unsuccessful to prove that. You know very well that sometimes this inconsistency of mine produces lot of problems for me. I don’t want that in any way this inconsistency may produce problems for Qandeel as well. Friendship is a relation I can manage forever. To decide something about any other relationship right now is not possible for me.”

Rohail had breathed deeply.

“Sometimes, I am not able to understand you, Ilaaf. Anyhow, I will talk to Qandeel at some suitable time, but if she refused then…….” Rohail left the sentence incomplete.

“I am afraid she will refuse. Today in the hospital the coldness that she had in her attitude for me, after that I feel that she will refuse.” Ilaaf had brought his apprehensions out. “But what else should I do, Rohail? I am not able to understand anything. Everything is as strange for me as much it can be for you and Qandeel but the truth is that it’s a reality. I am feeling myself so much helpless in this case. The extent to which she is rude to me, my heart is attracted towards her with the same extent all the time. She just needs to meet me and hear once, everything that I want to say to her. I am sure she will understand my problem. And then perhaps, she would be agreed to become my friend. Try to talk to her once, whatever will be the outcome I will see it.” Rohail shook his head.

“Alright. Once Yousuf uncle discharges and comes home, and Qandeel when will join the university then I will talk to her. You will have to wait.”

“Yes, I will have to wait.” Ilaaf said under an impression and then he suddenly remembered something. “Rohail! I had taken few snaps of Qandeel with your handycam on the day of get together. Can I have those pictures?” Rohail turned his neck this time and looked him. Ilaaf felt an embarrassment.

“So, it was your hand’s art. At home by looking those pictures I was thinking that this thought to take pictures of Qandeel so elegantly, can’t reach Ameen’s mind then who can do this? I could never imagine that this could be done by you.” Ilaaf just smiled. “You can have those pictures just due to the reason that I believe that there is no specific intention or purpose for you to get those pictures.”

“You are right, Roahil. I just wanna see Qandeel in those pictures with a closer look. I want to know the secret of the light on her face, shining of her eyes due to which her thoughts don’t leave my heart and mind.” Ilaaf explained to him.

“Ok, I will give those pictures to you.” There was silence for a while then Rohail had said.

“When Adnan is going to come back from Lahore?”

“Next week.” Ilaaf gave the shortest possible answer. He didn’t want to talk about anything else right now.

Chapter no. 6: The Second Meeting (III)

It was a very long road at one side of which, were thick and shady trees. At this hour of night, the shade of those trees was making the dark night darker, and if those street light poles with dimmed orange light, would haven’t been present at the other side of the road then perhaps it would have been difficult for him to walk on that darker road. The road was wide and deserted.

He was walking quietly; unaware of destiny, both hands in the pockets of his pants, like his only purpose would be to walk on that long road.

For a while he kept walking like this then as soon as he turned his neck on the right side, saw a human shadow walking parallel to him. He stopped and tried to see the man who was walking under the shade of the trees and that’s why it was difficult for him to guess who he is? He kept looking him with a surprise standing at his place.

That human outline had moved somewhat ahead by walking but then he looked that shadow stopping and turning back and the style of his turning was like as he would be looking him.

“Why did you stop, Ilaaf? Come.” He heard a grave, commanding and little bit kind tone of an old man. On an unknown way, hearing his name from a stranger was certainly surprising for him.

He walked and came ahead in a mechanical fashion.

“Who are you? And how do you know me?” The man moved towards him and just after his few steps, Ilaaf was able to look him because the man was coming out from the shade in the light of street poles. Ilaaf looked, he was an old man but his health was admirable; age would probably be between sixties and seventees, had softness on his face but his white hairs, white eye brows and white beard was enhancing his looks as a commanding one.

Ilaaf kept looking his mysterious personality for a while. The man was wearing long blue color robes and had a girdle around his waist of the same color; had a turban like cap on his head whose color was like his robes.

Ilaaf really had seen him from head to toe. The man was not felt to him of his city or country; neither from his clothes and perhaps nor from his features. His eyes were big and shiny whose color was unrecognizable for Ilaaf in the orange light. His complexion was a mixture of white and red.

“I am your friend.” The oldman said smiling.

“But I don’t know who you are. I am meeting you first time today then how can you be my friend?” He was puzzled.

“When a child is born into the world, he doesn’t know anyone but then he starts recognizing everyone. You too are born in this world just now therefore don’t know anyone but there is nothing to be worried about it, you will know everyone slowly and gradually like as you are knowing me right now.” He smiled in a very meaningful way and started walking on the road again.

Ilaaf was so confused, but was not able to understand anything so he had no other option except to walk along with him.

Then while walking he said again.

“What is your name?” Perhaps he was supposed to say due to his nature.

He turned his head and looked Ilaaf smiling.

“I have no name or if had even then now I don’t have any name. Some people call me guide, some call alchemist. You can call me whatever you like to.” He was talking to Ilaaf just like a friend.

“Are you really an alchemist? Do you really have capability to transform the metal into gold, water into elixir of life and stone into gem?” The smile of the man grew deeper.

“This can’t be decided by me. This has to be decided by you, Ilaaf. Stay with me in this journey and decide yourself that do I possess the quality of an alchemist or not?” For a while, Ilaaf couldn’t say anything then another question came from somewhere.

“What’s this place? Where are we right now?”

“This is a city, Ilaaf. A city every man has to visit at least once in his life, however somebody spends many years out here while somebody can’t stay just for few moments. Everybody here is in search for something, the wish to get or acquire something or anything brings everyone here. Here everybody will found to be in search of answer of a question. Questions, whose answers can’t be found in books, can’t be searched in words of a scholar, can’t be filtered from the lesson given by a speaker, just are found on having a quest for them. Sometimes even after searching hard the books for the entire life, man remains unsuccessful to find the answers of some questions, and those answers are found in a unique way again and again on the roads, on the paths, on the round-abouts, on street corners, on the house tops of this city and open a gate of awareness on man which was hidden earlier. The right to ask question is given to those, who are blessed with the courage to find their answers, Ilaaf.” He became silent.

The road was turning towards the right side somewhat ahead. Ahead from that turning, there was a lake at the left side. He was moving towards the lake.

Ilaaf was quiet and in a deep thinking. He understood half of the words of the alchemist while half of them passed above of his head.

There was a bunch of trees near the lake. One after other both of them crossed the bunch and came out, there was a road and across the road there were many houses in a series. All of those houses were double story and were completely identical; somebody could be just able find a difference among them with so much difficulty.

Ilaaf with alchemist kept walking between the streets of the city being so much amazed and kept praising the architect who had designed the city. It was a piece of architectural beauty. Ilaaf had never seen so much organized and amazing infrastructure in his life like this. Streets were wide; houses were the outstanding evidences of the art of construction. The doors and windows made up of elegantly cut wood and polished artistically, and the piece of art engraved on them. The airy balconies that were opening towards the road and charming floral plants hanging with them; the chimnies of red bricks and the gloomy lighting of colorful bulbs set on the walls, spreading in the form of the patches; on round-abouts the fountains bathing in blue lights; the endless series of trees on both sides of the roads; the big marble pillars on both sides of the street corner, and the arch that was connecting those pillars with each other.

Ilaaf kept looking everything being stunt. The city was deserted at this hour of night; perhaps it was a resting time for everyone.

Both of them came out of a street and then sat on a wooden bench that was set near the marble pillar, and just then Ilaaf remembered that he should ask another question.

“Alchemist! I want to ask a question from you?”

“Ask.” He looked Ilaaf smiling.

“The city is so beautiful but neither I saw this city before nor heard anything about this city. Where is this city? I mean where is it situated?” He looked the smile of the alchemist grew deeper on this question.

“Inside you.” The voice of the alchemist went strange and the tone was mysterious.